Here is one of the few jokes I can always remember, and tell without screwing it up:

Maybe they should try praying away the video.

Yeah but you also think the phrase is "on accident" and not "by accident"

Of course my dog isn't my child...

Nice one. Call her out on her drunken pantsless stupidity, but are we really that shallow that it has come back to appearances? So unattractiveness is a reason to punch a woman. Jeez.

1) Fuck that guy, I'm glad that they caught him.

Why are kittens so damn cute? They're like, the cutest of the small things. Go fuck yourselves, puppies and babies.

I love the fact that you made an account just to get all pissy with me.

Something doesn't "smell" right here; or, at a minimum, we aren't getting all the information. Is there a single faster and more obvious way to a lawsuit than this? I can't possibly believe that there is a doctor in the US who would willingly cut off a guy's dick in surgery without octuple checking, having a signed…

This too:

Maybe you should investigate how to make sure that poor parents would get the support they needed instead of sterilizing them. The history of sterilization is that people in power generally abuse that power to make sure that people who look like them get to have kids and those that don't don't.

The great thing is that no one cares what you think, so the fact that you've decided that a fundamental human right isn't one doesn't matter!

As traumatic as it can be, all assaults need to be reported to ACTUAL police. Not school police or counselors or the school's administration. The School does NOT care about the victim at all. They are more concerned with damage control. Their findings can be arbitrary - both for the victim and the accused - and they…

Service dogs for people with PTSD have jobs beyond "make you less sad." Often, those jobs involve physical intervention - for example, I know a military veteran whose PTSD service dog is trained to stand in front of him and lean on his legs when she senses him getting tense. I don't know what Ms. Corcoran's service…

You guys. I held a baby tiger today. It was the highlight of my fucking life.

Pop artists aren't necessarily professional singers, though. Plenty of them are just theatrical, studio-produced cultural amalgams designed to sell sell sell. And if a computer can do the singing for them, even better. I think the snobbery is holding low-art to high-art standards. The music still sounds alright and…

You know, I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of being told I can't protect myself from an unwanted pregnancy. I'm tired of being told I can't have sex that doesn't result in a baby. I'm tired of being told that when I'm pregnant I'm a liability. I'm tired of being told that when I'm having a baby, I won't necessarily…

I think they used brain cells to increase his girth. It's not like he was using them.

This man should be called Whatadick.