My daughter’s first birthday is tomorrow. I know she won’t remember it, but it’s a bit sad that family won’t be here to celebrate.

You are correct.

What exactly is considered an, “essential good?” I tried ordering security cameras, and I got a ship date of April 21. Tried ordering parts for my computer. April 21. Toy for my infant daughter? Arrives in two days, already shipped.

Not that laws matter anymore.

Completely anecdotal, but I seem to be receiving less spam calls since I started answering everything and immediately muting my phone.

Ayup

I’m confused. How are they going to order pizza?

The military “lost” my SSN 7 times, and my medical records twice in a 10 year span. 

I look forward to the inevitable apology of, “We’re sorry, we were hacked and video of you ‘sweatin’ to the oldies’ was taken along with all of your personal info. Here’s a free 30 minute session”.

The child wants a future, regardless of politics. There is literally no downside to a cleaner future other than monetary costs, which are in almost every case offset in the long-term.

I would love to play it in VR, but I guess none of Hello Games 25 employees are left handed.

4. “ Officer has been fired”*

Less of a bitch slap, more of a tickle by old white dudes who don’t understand this newfangled googlygwat facediddly venme stuff.

“PRESENT HALL PASS”

The irony of a butt-hurt Trumpaloompa talking about safe spaces...

I keep exactly one set of blinds open at my house, for my cat to watch outside. I fear if I ever close them, he’ll slit my throat while I sleep...or poop in my shoes. Always a shell game with that one.

Push. That movie was a lot better than I thought it’d be, and it is in no small part because of Evans. Also, Not Another Teen Movie was hilarious.

Or tatami mats. People work also, but the prison sentence at the end of the test usually is detrimental.

I imagine this is how they’ll react:

I’m sure all of the people in Puerto Rico would see this as a positive...if there weren’t blackouts from the shoddy linework.