Needs more slap chop and less spatial orientation. If we wanted some slow-ass help in the kitchen that didn’t know how to move around, we would have kids.

If it makes you feel better, it was definitely a Russian-made missile.

She’s been around for long, long, long, long, before the top two primary was implemented by CA voters. She keeps winning because Californians like her.

Those are his toleride or die bitches.

He’s one of said dipshits. That’s why it’s newsworthy.

They also probably shot down one of their planes.

CT has apizza, not pizza.

This dude’s ego wouldn’t fit in a room with other people, so it’s probably why he writes solo.

After the Senate approves the rules, does anything prevent the House from adding new articles of impeachment based on the new evidence? Asking for a friend.

ILC was Carrey at his peak.

The trick is to be rude to everyone all the time, just to be safe from invitations to dinner.

Probably something revolutionary that will save us from climate doom: soylent green.

Yeah, no thanks; I’m not going to Beaverton.

Turns out quirky was just mental illness and the only diversity is in addictions.

In Asia, chefs have been perfecting a method of hollowing out entire loaves of bread and stuffing them with toast and custard. This sounds truly magical.

The Oscars For Cowards  Drunkards.

Baby Yoda is probably a chayote, so he would pair well with something buttery and spicy. 

Cannabis vaping is another beast altogether, assuming you’re sourcing your cartridges from reputable, legal retailers and not some drug dealer in an alley. The culprit in all the vaping related illnesses was the additives, so stay away from any cartridges that contain “flavors” other than cannabis terpenes. 

Don’t count it out yet. There’s still time.