That hair. That hair is manufactured by a beauty company whose research team is made up of galactic lionfish who found a 1974 issue of Vogue orbiting in a cloud of interstellar debris, and were inspired to go into the wig business for humans.

Pfft, tell that to my BA. I procrastinated on every assignment I had and wrote a good 90% of my papers the night before they were due. I still managed to pull As on almost all of them.

65% is a B grade?!? What magical heaven is this school?

Oh wow. I just got Morelli confused with Morello (The character) and got seriously confused about who was in the picture.

I don't know if I would call a woman suddenly leaving her husband "beautiful." He definitely wouldn't call it that. I'm glad she found happiness, but it isn't a beautiful situation all around.

It's a performing arts school, so having a currently popular musical artist talk isn't completely crazy.

Um, Corndog???

buster bluth's penis looks like a lobstertail, but WITHOUT it's shell.

What kind of mangled dicks have you seen that remotely resemble croissants and lobster tails?

THIS. I love involved dads, but almost every dad who says "Having a daughter totally changed how I see women" ACTUALLY means "Having a daughter forced me to FINALLY acknowledge and confront the setbacks women face and NOW they upset me because they endanger MY vicariously experienced happiness."

i will do the horoscopes for these people.

known for...her accurate horoscope forecasts

About the response I'd expect from people who literally think the universe revolves around them.

Yeah, about that pink plate in the dishwasher: kids are just into routine. It has nothing to do with it being pink. My youngest daughter loves pink and purple everything, but there is a particular blue spoon in the house she is in love with. It is a crappy spoon with a blue handle someone must have left here, cause…

The title of his article alone is a warning that his article is bullshit. It's not that no one ever told you these things, but you willfully ignored topics about misogyny and women's rights.

I have no children. This is stuff I know just by being a person living in the world. What kind of fucking dolt was this guy before?

Hawke hit the nail on the head when he articulated the sadness that other people couldn't make Williams happy - even though he made the people around him happy. This has been bothering me but I didn't know how to express it.

Has anyone here watched "The Fall" with Gillian Anderson? I CAN'T LOOK AWAY.

I saw this story earlier and was discussing it with a few people before I started our department meeting. Then one of our interns piped up, "Do you think there's an echo when they knock on her head? That would be cool."

"Moaning quietly into a napkin about clocks?"