I mean, some of these friends were people who were with me during a very difficult time in my life. But that was almost a decade now, and we’ve gone from speaking on a daily basis to barely a ‘hello’ (not for lack of trying, I just think they’ve moved onto different things). So it’s not as big of an issue as it once…

Yeah, but I think he gets paid by the word.

Fuck that, new country. Change your name. Burn your fingerprints off with hydroflouric acid. Get surgery to swap faces with Nicolas Cage.

The reason is that she’s actually betraying your evangelical faith because the pool-boy is Satan. I know when you hired him you probably said to yourself, “Well, there are a lot of people with red skin, horns, and goat legs...” or rather that’s probably what your wife said when you doubted hiring him and she thought…

Maybe “nuke the old city from orbit, just to be sure”?

You know, I’ve been thinking about this as a service for cowardly heterosexual men (female sex worker breaks it off with her and gets busy with him) but it works equally well as a service for cowardly hetero women (female sex worker breaks it off with him, and then gets busy with him as an after-breakup sweetener/sourc…

Are you sure these friends are worth it?

If I had kids, I’d probably tell someone on the first date. But I’ve had friends who aggressively hate children, and I’ve put off having kids for a while out of this fear that said friends will ditch me permanently if I get pregnant.

Yes. You don’t have a pool.

That might be the ultimate brush off! “You know, sweetie, I’m scheduled for a quickie with this loser after the breakup. I’m not telling you what you should do, but we’re starting in five minutes, whether you’re in the room or not. I gotta schedule to keep.”

1) Run, dipshit.

If there’s two things sex workers are almost universally good at, it’s “not getting emotional” and “getting to the point when things are awkward.” This may be a better business plan than sex work.

I didn’t get the feeling he was all “I need to know where you are all the time” as much as there was a pattern of behavior that’s become noticeable, where what she says isn’t really matching up with what she’s doing.

Oh my god, just man up and do the decent thing. Marry her, then dedicate the rest of your life to exacting revenge through nonstop passive-aggression. 

And if the breakup takes less than 30 minutes, you might be able to squeeze in a quickie with them to help you ease your pain after the break up.

The real question is what kinda sex worker do you hire? Like a normal prostitute may work but I think if you really want to get your point across, you need a dominatrix 

Dear Nobody,

A thought comes to mind, apropos of nothing in particular:

Much like a partner needing their significant other to WANT to WANT to do the dishes, you were supposed to know your role in this relationship moment without being expressly told:

LW1, I have one word for you