This dude lives on a totally different planet.

If you look hard enough at the decision, it makes sense. But you really have to squint to see it.

Shit man. Theres some writers out there who can’t find a job and to them I say this. If Nick Douglas can get paid to write dumb two bit shit like this then so can you.

With the caption “nice defense bro”

The Browns should have responded with a picture of a plane hitting the world trade center.

this went way over my head. did i think about it too hard, or is this a certifiable shit post?

Oh good. I was hoping Deadspin would start including auto-play ads on their page that force me to embarrassingly scramble for the mute button on my keyboard at work.

It’s also an anagram for “Kinja recap”

Yeah, what a heads up play.

I keep putting it on my calendar, but no one else ever shows up.

My calendar is wide open, unlike my wife.

Why isn’t this in slo-mo?!

Speed gets taken for granted until you really, really need it.

Shitty Deadspin “writer” attempts to create article using novel technique of having no story whatsoever, fails miserably.

Maybe it’s because I have a degree in compsci and math, but I was really hoping this article would end with an actual number (“7 times per month”) based on the headline instead of a big wishy-washy “It depends”

Deadspin’s first article on Halep was about “the demise of her fantastical cans” (“her most famous assets”). That one hasn’t aged well.

We found love in a ropeless place.

So you’re saying I shouldn’t put those in the wash?

So you’re saying I shouldn’t put those in the wash?

I didn’t need a study to know this. I started dating my wife when she was still in high school. The first time she visited my family home, she looked through my collection of records (yes, we are old) and asked me why most of them were sad. I told her I never had enough money for records and girlfriends at the same…

Seriously, after all that they still didn’t even have the decency to honor his request and kill him.