Tough shit. I’m tired of being Captain Save-a-Ho to the rest of the knuckle-dragging mouth-breathing country. It’s not MY job to drag you kicking and screaming into the 20th century.

He’s become one of my favorite late night people over the past year.

Who would have thought Seth Meyers would emerge as the hard-hitting late-night personality?

BNL didn’t suck so hard until they tried to appeal to mass US audiences.

You forgot to call out he was a republican.

This made me laugh, but you skipped my two favorite steps: He walks his contractor through a house that is basically collapsing on itself and covered in mold and guesses it will cost $30k to flip, doing purely cosmetic renovations; the flip costs between $80k and $120k and he learns nothing from the experience that…

I thought I was an athiest, but these Satanists are way better at PR and aren’t bothersome at all, so maybe I should join.

Treating women’s bodies as a commodity to be consumed is an unacceptable and pernicious trend that needs to be called out.

I was boycotting Dr. Phil before it was cool.

Dear God, please let there be gay porn in his emails. Gay porn he stars in.

I donated to planned parenthood and then got a lecture from a family member about dead babies. So I donated again, double my original amount, in said family member’s name.

And you know what’s going to be even better: he’s not going to be able to do his stupid fucking rallies to boost his ego anymore.

Exactly! which is why he should not be at CNN. If Donna had the good grace to resign, so should he.

...did I miss something? Who are Mathews, Scannell, and Field?

I *think* she’s in Odd Mom Out. As a socialite yummy mommy, not a vital organ.

Knowing Drumpsterfire, he’ll say her performance as campaign manager wasn’t “good enough” and he’ll refuse to pay her, like he’s done with so many other contractors over the years.

Never broke her smile, and then capped it off with the “we’re just friends” arm pat. Beautiful.

Just how radical did you expect her to get for a bunch of finance bros? She was getting paid to tell them they’re all the prettiest girl in the room, that’s it.

Tiffany,

“I had the blessing of raising her pretty much on my own,” Ms. Maples said.