It’s like attending a Gallagher concert, only with cheese instead of watermelon.

Big deal, so did my non-psychic quarter.

Using totally “original” characters and the movie costing $500M.

He’s pissing in the corner of God’s house now.

That is hilarious. I don’t think I would have been able to keep a straight face every morning.

I’m glad you locked that girl down. Wise move!

Your wife sounds awesome.

I’m going to guess it was “Hey, you heard about these new corduroy pillows? They’re really making headlines.”

I’ve never taken my glasses off and let my hair down only to realize that they were the only two things holding me back from being a bombshell. I have perfect vision and I am a guy.

ACK! Fixed now, and thank you.

Got some bad news there, dude.

Upscale steakhouse, Downtown (River North) Chicago, about 30 minutes before closing time. A Black family walks in, looks like a Dad and 4 kids. They sit down and look over the menus as I tell them the specials. My manager comes over and says “let me know when they order.” One of the items on the menu is King Crab Legs…

Making light of my puns? That’s pretty lo, mein.

Cottage cheese is gross. It is also delicious. It can be both!

Nice pun! Having a way with words will take you far in life. As they say, the penne is mightier than the sword.

These had better be good, orzo help me God....

I may have to enlist some extra help on this. Does anyone gnocchi some good puns?

Is today’s theme noodle puns? I’d better limber up, I don’t want anyone thinking my pun game is pasta its prime.

shoulda made waffles!