I have wanted to smack the heck out of my kid. Never did though, because I am not a parent the way my mom was a parent, and I can recognize that my child is a happy child in a way I never was. The handful of times I have felt like doing it I was able to recognize that I was the problem, step back, and be a better…

I live in Ohio. People freak out and drive crazy when it rains. When it snows, it might as well be the Zombie Apocalypse. I don't mind driving in the snow - I have decent tires, a FWD sedan (a 20 year old Avalon), and patience. If it snows, I have an alternate route I can take to get between work and home. I…

Where you gonna store those tires when they are not being used?

How the fuck you gonna skip out on listing Smokehouse Almonds?

I get my steaks, pancakes, baked goods and coffee on the outside. Fuck cooking that shit.

I really needed this list today. My child (who is almost 5) woke me up by shouting "DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN?!?" Fuck no I don't want to build a goddamn snowman. I have to go to work or else you don't get the selection of gourmet Pop Tarts that you require.

DAYYYYUUUMMMMMMMM! When did Henry turn into a SILVER FOX?

I find his voice slightly annoying. I could never imagine being the least bit turned on by him whining, "Oh Merekat, Act One is going to be a lot of hot foreplay. Act Two is going to be me giving you oral pleasure, and Act Three is going to be you having multiple orgasms." That said, I find him nice to look at. …

Stop bringing logic into my sex fantasy!

I totes would give money to NPR if boning him was one of the supporter gifts.

Dafuq I just read?

I agree she is not deserving of acceptance to UT-Austin, but when you call another woman "Noted Dummy" you are being unfeminist.

I agree. His accent, his manner, his suits. Hopkins was a great Lecter for the time...but Mads Mikkelsen conveys so much with the twitch of a lip, or a small glance. His face is devoid of expression so often, that any expression he makes is magnified greatly.

Cleveland is the red-headed step-child of not only Ohio, but every state in the Union. And yes, I am included Florida in that.

you didn't.

dafuq kinda retard are you? everyone knows that the preferred dish of Kentucky is Oxycontin washed down with a 2 liter of Mt. Dew. And in Oregon, it's crystal meth with a PBR chaser.

It is a ode to the wonders of buttsecks.

I was on Jeopardy! last year. I can tell you that the judges are huge dicks about how contestants pronounce words and in what order. This kid was robbed. also, those pens are fucking hard to write with.

I find that picture strangely sexy. Are you single and ready to mingle?

I am very OK with that.