OK! magazine's dramatically unspecific allegations yesterday that Larry Birkhead is not the upstanding, profoundly moral soul we'd expect an Anna Nicole Smith ex to be left us to speculate on our own about his torrid secrets. Now, TMZ dumps lighter fluid and a match on the smoldering coals with suspiciously well-timed…
By now, we hang on every word of the thoughtful analysis of the charms of our nation's steel towns that drip like honey from the lips of reticent, camera-shy starlet Sienna Miller. Thrillingly, The Sun reports that, while stumbling out of celebration for her clothing line's London debut, Sienna was caught on tape…
It's heart-warming to see that somebody in this country understands the plight of the plucky immigrant. After enduring the extreme physical and mental stress of dodging the paparazzi with a sex doll dressed up in your likeness and finding the perfect multi-million-dollar mansion in Los Angeles all by her lonesome, our…
As if the grief of this week weren't already about to swallow our heavy hearts whole, People rocks our world by demolishing our last shred of hope that good might eventually triumph. Charlize Theron, who so courageously uglied herself up to win an Oscar, is now reportedly locked in the jaws of an even more terrible…
We were sufficiently convinced that it sucks being Bobby Brown by Bravo's televisual testament to the fecal-based triumphs and tragedies of his unholy union with Whitney Houston. Never one to rest on his pathetic laurels, however, Brown has decided to fight a judge's April ruling that dissolved his marriage and…
New Line's upcoming gun-porn action flick Shoot 'Em Up has already demonstrated the entertaining merits of ripping off a few rounds in the direction of an armored baby. But according to the movie's star, burgeoning imperiled-infant junkie Clive Owen, the real value for America is when you strip them of their defenses…
Those tender-hearted moralists at OK! magazine — who wrestled publicly with whether or not to print the pictures from its excrement-crusted Britney Spears shoot — are at it again: They now say they are dropping their planned exclusive coverage of Dannielynn on her first birthday. Since this can't possibly have…
After the poor, doltish man-child Joey Tribbiani moved to Los Angeles and faded into oblivion, we were pretty content with leaving Matt LeBlanc's acting career as a distant, warm memory — like a long-lost cousin whose talent for burping the national anthem was cute when he was 12, but reeks of stale desperation now…
Understandably unsatisfied with only one legally shaky foreign adoption that's bound and gagged with red tape, Madonna has apparently decided that African moppets work better in pairs. Starter-orphan David Banda's home nation is allegedly allowing Madge to add a girl to her collection, according to This Is London:
For all TMZ's gloating about thoroughly chapping ABC's hide by printing a leaked list of Dancing With The Stars contestants, it seems the network merely made the site its pawn in its cunning game of lies: That roster was fake, and the actual cast was revealed today. Notably absent is the one person — Lou Ferrigno,…
As any self-respecting layabout-turned- failed-rapper- turned- custody-seeker would do, Kevin Federline has been working overtime to burnish the jaunty halo of responsibility he's placed atop his own head. His latest accomplice: One Tree Hill executive producer Mark Schwahn, who both compliments K-Fed on his…
Now that wife Demi Moore has pried the trucker hat from betwixt his twitching fingers and buried it in the backyard, Ashton Kutcher evidently feels uniquely qualified to help us bid adieu to the concept of the preening, pomade-encrusted metrosexual — so 2004 — and usher in a new era in the storied history of male…
Nothing says "I'm just doing this out of the goodness of my gentle heart" than throwing a temper tantrum over someone allegedly walking off with your charity idea. Such is the tangled, twisted web Geena Davis seems to be weaving; the details are admittedly a little confusing, but according to USA Today, Davis appears…
We suspected strange things were afoot at the Circle K when Larry Birkhead awkwardly shuffled down the Teen Choice Awards red carpet. Somehow, we doubted girls of age 13-17 gleefully taped up posters of Anna Nicole's sperminator next to shots of Zac Efron's hair. Turns out our Spidey Sense was right—Birkhead had been…
We were curious about the Fuck Yeah Fest the second we heard of it, imagining an orgy of hipsters joyously screaming — a la Team America's famous anthem — their blue approval of everything from skinny jeans on dudes (FUCK YEAH!) to t-shirts with ironic slogans about how stupid t-shirts with ironic slogans are (FUCK…
Figures. Just when the Jolie-Pitt Army of Uber-Moppets had us convinced we could kill time on a slow Monday by cheerfully hand-picking any adorable foreign-born tyke we want and raising it as our own, Madonna has to come along and rain on our parade. Apparently, the good people of Malawi can't decide if she's a…
Somebody in the child welfare business just got that Us Weekly subscription approved: After weeks of tabloid stories implying that skinny-dipping with a random college co-ed in Vegas, allegedly drinking in front of the kids, and reportedly shoving a bodyguard who is holding your son are somehow inappropriate acts,…
It's hard out there for a studio exec. One day, you're innocently blowing your nose into the pages of unmade scripts stained with the hopes and dreams of anonymous writers, and screaming at your assistant to just please get someone to make you a fat-free Big Mac; the next, you're rudely confronted with the fact that…
Why are 1 in 5 Americans unable to locate our country on a map? No idea, but we can tell you why 5 in 5 inhabitants of South Carolina are fervently trying to develop a vaccine for verbal dysentery. We're not sure who suffers most here: Miss Teen South Carolina USA herself, whose terrified, empty…
· You cannot deny the Eighth-Wonder-of-the-World majesty of Billion-Dollar Director Brett Ratner's prodigious talent. You can only hope to fellate it.
· The View clutches Whoopi to its heaving bosom. Don't feel bad if you didn't know; it was easy to miss. Former gab-bags Star and Rosie greatly look forward to the day…
