Also the best soccer quote of all time.

Oh, exactly...Obama’s wars. How could I forget when 9/11 happened on his watch so he went to war in Afghanistan in 2001; and then when he declared a Global War on Terror and went into Iraq in 2003 (which totally did 9/11 and had nukes) way back when he was actually President George W. Bush. And then when he got an…

Nothing that a quartet of these can’t fix:

Um, can I get one restored by Toyota instead?

Bubba, when I took my oath of allegiance, I didn’t have to offer fealty to the President. But I did have to affirm this: