Jared was in my house in college and, same. The intellectual equivalent of a 7:02 2000m.

Look at that shameful slob coming in second. Bet he wishes this photo never existed.

He’s the GOAT GOATSE of both Cross-Fit and pulling stuff out of his ass!

DTJ does a slightly modified Murph. It takes him about thirty five minutes to have his manservant bring a gun from his personal armory, get up, take the elevator down to the laundry, and shoot an undocumented Irish person.

You and roughly 67,999,999 other people. Roughly.

No one cares about college rowing but like Donald Trump Jr., I rowed in college. (He was on the team at Penn for 1 year.) The standard by which rowers are judged is 2000 meters on the Concept 2 ergometer. The slowest guy on our team went 6:48. He was 5'10", 171lbs and iron deficient. Still, that score is butt. Donald…

I’m just sitting here saying to myself, ‘holy shit do I hate these motherfuckers’.

This family keeps finding new ways to get people to hate them. You gotta respect that.

“You’re a good egg, Noonan. Now pick up that gum wrapper” - Trump

Very disrespectful to the military.

Please, we all know Hillary was the reason that stage collapsed. And, she was the one who stopped the reporters from accompanying the cameras through the hotel. When will she address this controversy? What is she hiding?

“It’s gonna be a beautiful, beautiful wall. Believe me.”

PLEASE let this an omen from the gods presaging the collapse of the Trump Campaign! I will totally stop being an atheist for this!

Has anyone from the privileged class established what form of protest against systemic racism they are totally chill with witnessing?

When Europeans first settled this continent they had two big thoughts.

I wish I could give this more stars.

This is your obligatory reminder that whatever you think of American prudery when it comes to the sex lives of politicians, Anthony Weiner didn’t go down for a little harmless consensual sexting. The “accidental” tweet that broke the story was an unsolicited dick pic sent to a college student who had tweeted him about…

I mean, there's still time.

Wait for it.

• Lochtail Party