Have you seen the grimacing smile he’s had to keep plastered on his face ever since the #1 slot was announced? He’s never been to New Orleans, and he has no interest in going there, either. His licensing future was predicated on being in New York or L.A.

That’s a weird comment. Lots of GMs would say, “Why get Harper when we can have Christian fucking Yelich, Nick fucking Markakis, Josh fucking Redick, Mookie fucking Betts, David tucking Peralta, or even Cody fucking Bellinger who threw out Strasburg at first on a single to RF the other day. Bellinger’s not a regular…

2019 Bryce Harper is definitely not better than 28 teams have in RF right now. I have no axe to grind with the guy but he’s middle of the pack at best after 6 or 7 weeks of the season. He could def snap back, and he played well after the All-Star break last year, but certainly wasn’t clutch when his at bats could’ve…

Silicon Valley has devolved into a terrible, irrelevant mess of a show that can’t stick the landing on its jokes anymore. It would have to be 200% better than last season just to be below average. 

In high school they’d show us these paintings by Carravaggio or some baroque painter and it would seem ridiculous how all these soldiers or maidens or elders or witnesses to a long sword murder would each have their own unique overreaction to whatever they were seeing. But they looked just like this photo! How did…

I know they couldn’t do much to defend that specific shot with that specific arc, but the odd thing is that the Sixers knew the one person they didn’t want to catch the inbound pass, the one person they didn’t want to run around to the baseline and the corner, the one person they didn’t want to see taking the final…

I know Embiid didn’t play badly tonight, but it seemed like for half the game he was still clutching his stomach while plays were going on around him. I’m just really glad the Blazers, the Bucks, and the Raptors are all in their Conference Finals. And the Celtics and Sixers and Nuggets are not.

That seems impossible. But it happens so often in the NCAA Tournament (where there are no Game 7's) that I guess it just seems like it must’ve happened before now.

You can’t go wrong rooting for your Washington Wizards!

In 2019 she has tweeted 13 times, not counting retweets. Four of those tweets — or 31% of her tweets for the year so far — were posted today, all within a span of 2 hours, and all including the word ‘fuck’. Now that’s a rough day.

Think of how much fun the fans could have with that. And the merch licensing possibilities! 

nice

The more important question is, why aren’t any NFL teams named after dogs? They have birds and bears and tigers and lions and fish and horses, sea mammals, large people, planes, goats, miners, laborers, colors, patriots, and panthers. But no dogs? WTF?

Each team should get a set number of Crime Points that can be assigned to individual players as crimes are committed, and once a player reaches, say, 51 Crime Points then a graduating set of punishments would be assigned by the league based on the player’s total Crime Points over a 3-year period. After 3 years, the…

The SEC should make a lawyer approve the statements she makes in interviews.

That is actually the best explanation I’ve seen for this. So maybe I got it all wrong. Thanks.

Hope you saw this one. I just can’t imagine anyone at Splinter being able to write something this good, even HamNo.

They’re in a conference with a team named the “Redskins”. 

He was convinced he had just drafted Christian Laettner. “We drafted the greatest player in the history of Duke sports! We won’t need touchdowns if we can shoot 45% from the 3-point line.”