You did just fine, chief.

Your life is now at its utmost pinnacle.

I love this so much, man. So. Freaking. Much. +1

4am telecast on NBCSN:

+1!

Alternate Headline: Treasonous Kickball Player Doesn't Want to Have Fun; Chooses to Play Soccer Instead

GrungeBanjo: [looks for jokes and humor in post]

Damn, this Deadspin Commenting Tournament is getting serious.

deranged laughter+1

+1

Setting: The rolling central Plains. The sun is angling down lazily, gently cutting through a wafting breeze. The grass rolls gently in this warm embrace, and the suddenly crunch of crisp leaves and shoots is heard. Camera pans stage left.

Damn. +1

Dammit, Barry. I know this is a great metaphoric story, but you just had to go and bring up the Akili Smith era in Cincy, didn't you?

I assume Drew is seeing how far he can punt a football.

+1

This is like the time I translated for a confused Polish speaker the Civil War as the "War of Northern Aggression."

Go home, Darin, you're drunk. Also, +1

He went straight from Turner Field to the Situation Room.

As Deadspin commenters, you'd think we'd show some sympathy for fellow throwers of low-hanging fruit.

Fell on Blackmon Days