Ah, that explains Olivia Colman’s sandwich shout out in her acceptance speech. Also, those sandwiches look amazing. 

My honey has a very public-facing job, so this has been kind of a professional investment. So far, she thinks it’s worth it. Eating is easier, too.

Are there any dental schools in your area? It might be worth checking into that option. It’s a lot less expensive—pretty much the cost of materials.

My wife is in the long, slow process of fixing her teeth which were bad thanks to childhood neglect (way to go MIL). And it’s costing around $30k (implants, surgery) when all is said and done, so Bhabaganoush or whatever their name is didn’t necessarily get ripped off. Mercifully, my honey does not have Chiclets. 

Aaaaaaahhhh! You have the Fred Astaire of cats.
For some reason, my picture didn’t post. Let’s try again.

Here’s my shelter dog. Where could you find a face cuter than this?

Adele Dazeem will achieve total world domination.

I feel you. The only benefit to my parents’ particular brand of narcissism is that they need to maintain a picture of family harmony, so they’d never go off this publicly. That said, any granule of good fortune that came my way (usually earned through a lot of hard work) was met with “but meeeeeeeee.” Ugh.

He looks like the Geefle but would poison the nectarine before he tossed it to the Gonk, who looks vaguely “ethnic.”

Kellyanne Conway is a year younger than I am, and I really thought she had ten years on me. It’s like Dorian Gray got tossed into the BTtF DeLorean or some shit.

If you watch closely, he’s so clearly focused on what he’s going to say next that his reactions to Mulaney are a microsecond too slow—like he wasn’t paying attention so he has to replay it in his head before he knows to laugh.

Which is why he’s staying away from Von Trier and leaving those roles to Matt Dillon.

Next time he gets on your case, try “non mi rompere i coglione” and let me know what happens. 

“Maybe it’s just totally random who ends up where, and the Point System is just a rationalization created after the fact. “

Bob Newhart.

I love that “che cazzo” is your go-to pronunciation example. 

Yep, bru-SKET-ta.

Exactly. She’s crazy smart and knows what she’s talking about.

Restringing order?
(Insert joke about guitars, tennis rackets, etc.) 

Dolly Parton’s “Down from Dover” off the Little Sparrow album. Holy shit.