I would rather look at the Pizza Rat.

I haven’t seen Mark May’s name. Can I please see Mark May’s name?

All those B1G lay offs and not one SEC. The bias is real. Unless they lay off some SEC people, then the bias will be fake. But until then, I am outraged.

I like to pull into the left hand turn lane and put on my right blinker. When the light changes to yellow I turn on my emergency flashers and go straight.

I’m Polish and I prefer Italian Sausage. Polish sausage is awesome, but fennel.

Life is only important until it exits the womb. Then deport the little fucker.

Fuck you and you’re 41 ranked Lucky Charms.

I was at Angel Stadium when Rod Carew got his 3000th hit. I later saw him on the freeway in a Porsche Turbo Carrera with a license plate frame that said “Happiness in 3000 hits”. My friend, Kirk March was getting beers when he got the hit. Suck on that, Kirk.

Last time I was in New York, I let my buyer pick the restaurant and he picked a raw, vegan restaurant. All that was missing was some Patriot’s fan and I could have maxed out on smugness. And just a note: The only thing worse than vegan is raw vegan.

This back in probably 1982 or so. My girlfriend and I were supposed to go camping with my parents up at the Kern River (Bone Creek, to be precise), but she got mad at me and dropped out at the last second. So, I could’ve ridden with the folks, but I’d missed my chance and so now was driving my 1968 VW Beetle from…

Once, we were driving from Columbus, Ohio to Pottstown, PA (outside Philly). We stopped at a Cracker Barrel because when you have three kids that’s what you do and go to hell if you disagree. My oldest son, maybe nine at the time, ordered pancakes and eggs and drank to huge glasses of apple cider. I congratulated him…

I swear to God that it seems like with every stupid order he signs, he says “Nyah-ha-HA!” and twists his moustache.

I read Treasure Island to my kids. I did the “pirate voice”. I am still hoarse and that was 20 years ago.

I don’t know how many times I’ve dined with a woman who was not spouse and ended up fucking them right there on the table. That’s dangerous business, friend.

I’m from Chino. Back when it was just dairy farms and prisons. It’s a hot goddamned mess now. I blame LaVar Ball.

Pandas should be extinct. Mankind should not hasten or delay the end of a species.

Is that a can of skoal in his right pocket?

Skittles and M&M’s mixed taste like bad, flu vomit. As opposed to other vomits that aren’t that bad.

Because he registered as a 2020 candidate 5 minutes after taking office. Now he can hold good old fashioned Hitler rallies and have his “campaign” pay for it.

They called that guy on Cheers “coach” forever. Maybe he’s at that bar.