Tempted to fake a video just so we can all watch you eat a dictionary

How old are you?

I’m donating a kidney in the spring to a young father with three kids that I heard about on facebook. Having an extra kidney isn’t what it’s cracked up to be- the doctors tell me that when one fails, usually they both fail. The process has been pretty easy so far. I’ve gone through all testing necessary. I’m only…

I’m more like “how ‘bout get your own house, about 4-5 blocks away.”

Screw separate beds, let’s talk about totally different wings of a house.

Oh, “John Donne...” my ass. Who can she possibly think she’s kidding?

IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM

“The Mission.” Amazing Stories, season 1. Best episode ever. The end.

Charlie Mackenzie: Hey Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as, “The paper.” The paper contains facts.

Bobby, you are a gift.

Having endured a pre-teen playing Macklemore’s first album on repeat, while recording his own “podcasts” (garbled covers of Macklemore recorded on an iPod and played back over a laptop) on a 20+ hour drive around the Great Lakes, I am uniquely qualified to tell y’all that Mr. Mack does indeed reference doing lines etc…

I did it once before in a previous article, so I sort of picked my hill to die on and now I’m just GOING FOR IT.

-Babysitting experience STRONGLY PREFERRED

Mayonnaise, actually.

Isn’t it great when you meet, or in this case get a view into, people’s parents and all of the sudden you are like

Eh, I’m gray everywhere. I was one of the venerable old commenters of yore here, but Natasha VC kicked me to the grays a few months ago for a harmless joke about... guh, I can’t even be bothered to rehash it, it’s so dumb.

Hell, I’m for married people keeping separate residences. Probably why I’m not married yet. I was talking to my co-worker about it and she said, “Well, it helps if you like the person.”

That escalated quickly.

“You don’t look sick.” That doesn’t mean the person in question is not actually sick.

That shirt is blue. - Observation