Specifically to ruin your day :)

Yes. He's a sensitive fella & he had just had a play date with his best Pittie friend. He also gets really dry & flakey underbelly which is helped by fish oil pills.

I made for the first time ever breaded porkchops in grandmas iron skillet. How I’ve managed to go 37 years without doing this, I don’t know. They were magnificent. Now for some kitty cat & one slightly pornographic dog pic. Happy Saturday.

First wedding: I was told my MIL I had to wear shoes(WHY!?!?!?!) I couldn’t have my hair straight, couldn’t have the flowers I wanted because they reminded FIL of his fathers funeral, she chose the tacky AF decorations (painted fucking flowerpots with our names on them. Mine was spelled wrong). She wore a purple…

Also, this guy LOVES me in a maxi & he has great fashion sense. . Obvi.

How else am I supposed to go out in public & pretend I'm nekkid???? #teammaxi

I just bought a strapless one from old navy. It even has a drawstring at the waist so you can adjust depending on level of bloat :D

This is taking my breath away right now!!!!!!!

I could watch this all day, every day. For the rest of my life.

Meanwhile on Lip Sync Battle....

Plantar facitis- stretch the hell outta your foot. I keep a resistance band nearby & hook it under the heel so it loops over the toes to pull them back while I'm watching tv or whatever. Standing on a frozen water bottle & rolling it around the heel & through the arch is also a lifesaver.

The Mr is playing poker tonight so I’m kicking it with this couch licker & vodka+Perrier. Win win.

I freak out if a school of minnows won’t leave me alone. Ridiculous I know but their gaping little mouths feel so fucking creepy on the skin. So I’d probably freak out if adorable, sweet Kevin got to close too.

I got incredibly drunk at a local bar who served warm Jäger in rocks glasses. The girls bathroom was ALWAYS occupied because girls are dumb & can’t piss by themselves & need their entire gaggle involved & inevitably they start doing makeup/hair crap.

Also this.... Because it makes me giggle.

Date night with this guy. We're watching Pit Bulls & Parolees. He's not judging my wine consumption. I love him.

Pictures NOT BIG ENOUGH!!!!!!!! Ermergherd the CUTENESS!!!!

This is obviously the frock of a witch. Burn it. Every time I look, it's a different shade. I'm about to blame the cat, since he's obviously in on it. #morewineplease

and mood wine. Two glasses ago it was white& gold now it's just blurry.

It gets dark when I do. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!