I TRUSTED YOU CARL MONDAY HOW COULD YOU

“We can’t mention all the horrible things that conservative policies have actually done, because that would just be rude.”

I’m still blindingly angry at Tim Kaine for never mentioning it at the VP debate. You know Biden would’ve let him have it.

Love that this “accidentally single handedly started an HIV outbreak” motherfucker is the face of responsible conservatism.

This exchange is genuinely insane???

~memories~

“Friends of Jason” sounds like the shittiest support group in the world

The device Evans spent three years laboring to invent is a $400 WiFi-enabled tabletop machine that squeezes juice ... out of a bag of Juicero-brand juice. It squeezes bags of juice. It is a juice press that squeezes the juice ... out of bags of juice. Bags ... with built-in spouts ... that are filled with juice. Juice…

Because,

If we’re going down this road, the end result will be regime change, which will required a sustained American military presence. No thank you.

yea “HILLARY WOULDA DONE IT” is not exactly giving me warm, tingly feelings

Watching Rachel fucking Maddow, of all people, applaud the airstrikes last night was fucking appalling.

This ends with Bannon literally cucking Kush and having a torrid affair with Ivanka

probably something about hating the Jews, if recent revelations are any indication http://forward.com/news/national/367937/exclusive-controversial-trump-aide-sebastian-gorka-backed-violent-anti-semi/

Right, it’s all a crapshoot. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t. That’s just life! There’s no secret sauce!

He used to go on Simmons’ old podcast and would sagely hold forth about his grand unified theory of football, which was, the blue chip theory.

oh no

DONT EVEN ACT LIKE MICHAEL CAINE WAS LOCKED IN AN ATTICK

It appears the greatest Michael Caine tweets have been erased from twitter, but thankfully, Rob Delaney saved them for us to enjoy