As a fan of both of those trash bands, I could try to convince you, but music is subjective, and I get why people don’t like it. I’ll just say to each his own and leave it at that.

God damn it. This take is awful.

Ah, but you forget Willson Contreras!

Yup. Gotta love that flash, though.

Still, he is one of the sharpest shortstops the game. I am still surprised that Maddon plays Russell there instead of Javy. Good problem to have!

Being an asshole is legal in most places, true, but self-entitled cyclists all deserve the worst. Fuck off, Lance Armstrong.

You left out a key detail: Were they riding three-wide and blocking the entire road? Motherfuckers do that where I live all the time and it’s shitty. The share-the-road-thing applies to cyclists, too (although violent ass-beatings aren’t appropriate; a hearty middle finger extended out the window is).

I read that last sentence quickly and thought you were saying that the Eagles won because the Texans didn’t have a competent backup. You obviously weren’t, but that semi-colon is the James Brown of semi-colons.

Yeah, they are terrible no matter how you look at them. I hope Nagy coaches better than he dresses, otherwise the Bears are screwed.

They gray you for the funniest reasons, and they take very easy offense. I got grayed because I implied Jack Dickey was a “sad husky” in article about the UConn mascot being a “sad husky,” and have been ever since. The best part is he deleted my comment and changed the title of the article to say “sad dog”. The URL…

Xanax?

He also is a bald guy who wears a visor. I believe they call that look “the cockring.” Great. Go Bears!

I loved turning on the game with about 5 minutes left and seeing that Duke had 4 team fouls while Kansas was in the double bonus, since Duke gets every call always. And then once that foul/not-a-charge call was made, I knew Duke fans were going to complain about the refs. They truly are the Patriots fans of NCAA…

I quit playing basketball after 8th grade because the guy who also played my position, and was technically my back up, was a super sweaty guy. Our gym was old and hot, so we often played shirts v. skins, and I couldn’t take guarding him any more.

Who country tried adjusting their clocks once, but they won’t get fooled again.

All ten of us on Mountain time love it. The East coast games that end at midnight or later there wrap up by a tidy 10:00 p.m. And the 11:00 start to NFL Sundays is perfect in that you still have the morning to do things for the day (Not church, obviously. Who still goes to church?).

Our middle school had a rule that kids couldn’t wear sweat pants (it was the late ‘80s), and 7th grade me thought it was so stupid. I asked my Dad, who was a principal at an elementary school, why, and he just looked at me and said, “Boners.” There has never been a more obvious answer to a question.

Regarding butter, my parents used to roll corn-on-the cob on the top of a stick of butter, and then would use that depressing, smashed stick with corn-silk pubes dangling everywhere until it was gone. Using butter that way should be a federal crime.

Is a tennis ball between two rackets a sandwich?

I remember going to the Hidden Shamrock for St. Patrick’s Day in ‘99. Two guys tried to get into a fight, and it was so crowded and tight with people that they couldn’t pull their fists back to punch, so they had to bop each other on the head. It was always shit-show when I lived there, to the point that it wasn’t…