Yes, that’s my strategy, it works fantastically. Just make the man a sandwich*. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach**.

My brain is apparently in the same place as yours because I definitely read the line “Fogle’s iconic giant denim pants” as “Fogle’s iconic giant denim penis.” At first I was very confused, but then I laughed, but then I felt bad about laughing. Oh well, I already knew I’m a terrible person.

I used to regularly get Paris Hilton, random people would tell me this at least several times a year (particularly customers when I waited tables). My favorite part of it was that most of the time they’d be like “you look like Paris Hilton but prettier.” Um, thanks? At least you added the “but prettier” part I guess?…

That GIF is amazing and made me snort embarrassingly loud so thank you for that. :) This is why I love this site though, we can unite in the pain of crazy family members.

That’s exactly what I’m dealing with. I just moved back in with them after 8 years of living 800 miles away. When I was a kid I don’t remember them being this bad. Don’t get me wrong, they were Catholic and fairly conservative, but I don’t remember them being into Fox News and all this ultra conservative bullshit. In…

Last night I was practically yelling at my dad “abortions for everyone! It’s my body I can do what I want!” I’m pretty sure I’m well into the annoying them territory.

I don’t know where else to post this, and I’m pretty sure you live at home too so I’m posting it here. Politics is a contentious topic between me and my parents, they’re very conservative and I’m very not conservative. When I lived far away we could pretty much avoid political discussions knowing that we’d all just…

Are we talking PG or R rated finger jokes? Because when I first saw this my first thought was “man there’s so many dirty finger jokes waiting to happen.” Also, I’m a pervert and kind of a horrible person. :/

You need to get on your knees and say 10 Hail Mary’s to atone for that HIGHLY OFFENSIVE drawing. I mean, everyone knows that the Cool Pope is too cool to say “yo.” Now on yours knees bitch!

Yes me too! I haven't seen it in ages, but I love that movie. It's definitely one of those movies that I always turn on if I see it on TV. It never fails to make me laugh.

I couldn’t agree more. I’ve said this before, but it’s still true. Every week after Double Creature I spend embarrassing amounts of time trying to figure out my dog’s celebrity counterparts. The worst part about it is I still haven’t figured it out. I finally decided I’m leaning towards Emma Stone with my young one,…

I was just thinking that if Adam gets divorced there's going to be some weird fan fiction coming. Apparently it already exists. The Internet is a weird place, but it never disappoints.

Yes! I commented on the article about this, but since I’m in the grays so who knows if it will ever see the light of day. I think we need to take up a collection and make this happen right now. They could give it out like a little Oscar to the employee of the month or bullshit. That’s what it reminds me of, a little…

Bobby, I would donate at least like $2 (but not more than $3 since I'm broke) towards the purchase of that Michelle Obama figurine. You need to start a go fund me right now.

My brother-in-law (sister’s husband) is a hunter. Granted, they live in the country and actually eat what he hunts, so I don’t see it any different than people eating meat from the store. That being said, he does have some mounted deer heads. When my sister first started dating him, he lived in a house that his best…

That makes me think of this Mitch Hedberg quote:

I'd do much worse things depending on how good the cake is.

I was going to reply to you and make a joke about lobe shaming, but then I scrolled up and looked at the picture. Holy fuck you weren’t kidding; those are the saggiest lobes I’ve ever seen. It’s like the kid’s song “Do Your Ears Hang Low” was written about her. Now that song will be stuck in my head all night.

Thanks to a combination of small type and a dim screen, when I first read that I definitely thought it said “I used to suck dick for cake.” And then I was like “yeah, I understand that, cake is fucking delicious.” Also, now I want cake.

I thought they were trying to write Flav, as in Flava Flav, and just had shitty cursive ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Welp, I guess you learn something new everyday. I honestly don’t know if the problem is being too old or not old enough to get the Hov reference.