I applaud you for saying this. Seriously. My ex was the type to blow up, and while he never hit me, there were times I honestly think he wanted to. There were a couple occasions of him grabbing my arms and pushing me against the wall when he lost his temper. Of course, it was always because I pushed him to that point…

They remind me of something that belongs in Beetlejuice, like the creepy sculptures.

Me too! I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and very hyper mobile joints, and pigeon toed is my natural stance. When I first started walking I walked pigeon toed, but I grew out of that mostly. It’s my eternal struggle to think about keeping my feet straight and knees slightly bent when I’m standing so I don’t lock and…

All the cocaine and slutty behavior doing that you can handle! What more could a girl want?

Yes this. Reading that sentence made my brain hurt. Now let's go do some slutty behavior! Slutty behavior doers unite!

You’re absolutely right, I was just so used to never going to the movies alone that the idea baffles me (my ex fiancé and I were together for over 6 years, the idea of doing a lot of things alone confuses me). But I really want to see Trainwreck and since I just moved back into my parents I didn’t have anyone to go…

I feel like I missed that post of yours. What’s in the R’s? My first thought is rimjob, but I'm also an awful person as we've already established. I'm curious to hear your thoughts. I feel like I'm going to start an R-rated version of Yoko Tweets. (Also, you're one of my favorite commenters here. You're always…

I know where my strengths lie. :)

I was dating this guy for a while, it was still early in the relationship when I found out Colin Cowherd was his favorite ESPN personality. That’s all I needed to know about him to know there was no way it was going to work. I broke up with him a week later, and I have no regrets. Colin Cowherd is fucking awful. His…

Not gonna lie, I didn’t read the article yet. I will, but first I need to share something with the anonymous Internet world. I NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST NOW! My mom told me I’m not allowed to tell anyone, but I’m in the greys so most likely no one will read this anyway.

I remember that one, but she got way too fancy for me with the word pachinko. I’m hoping for something more along the lines of “Take a penis: put it in your mouth. Pretend it doesn’t feel like a dead worm.” Of course I'm talking flaccid penis, and in case my mom is reading this, I have no experience with that in real…

The more I hear it described as cute the more wary I become.

I feel like cute is not a good endorsement. Unless it’s a puppy or something, cute is the way I describe something when I can’t think of anything nice to say... “How did you like my new boyfriend?” Well, he’s cute. I really want to like the second one because I loved the first, I’m just afraid it will retroactively…

I feel like she’s trolling us in that outfit. That’s something I would wear because I knew I looked ridiculous and thought it was funny and wanted to see how people reacted. Also, I love the look on Mariah’s face. It's literally the most fake forced smile I've ever seen. She is the queen of shade.

I didn't see Pitch Perfect 2 because I have no friends to go to movies with. Is it any good?

I’m like 7/8th of a bottle of wine deep, and I think I’m starting to get it. Or maybe not because it’s gibberish, but it annoys me less because wine. She seriously is working her way through the P’s though. I hope she does penis, that would be entertaining.

In my head maybe :)

It's doing this to me on my tablet even if it's my first or second star. It must be a kinja glitch. It's driving me insane.

Exactly! I’m already aware of this fact. I followed you! We can be unpopular together. We’ll sit at the table in the corner and make fun of all the cool kids.

I'm not even going to look because it'll be too depressing. It's just like high school! I don't need a meter to tell me I'm not popular.