“punchball” is such a better name

or a Stegosaurus. It’s 2019, after all

If the bride and groom are cool with the huge T-Rex being there, then there’s no argument about “upstaging the wedding”. Full stop.

Fuck the Patriots. (No insight, no bon mot, just fuck the Patriots.)

I didn’t check the score at all on the way to the airport because my uber driver was an older woman who thought it was disrespectful

I watched this last night. I feel very confident that none of these right-wing nutjobs actually watched it, and instead are lauding it because it Made Some Libs Mad.

More background on the coach: he was the dad of a neighborhood friend, which was the absolute only reason I was picked to play. I was literally the last kid drafted in our Small Town Baseball System. 45th of 45 boys. And after two or three games...we didn’t have a single practice again for the rest of the year. Just…

I feel like none of us really understood how cups actually worked, and what they could or could not do.

I was an extremely bad baseball player. They used to start me and bat me 9th on the off-chance that two innings would take place before my spot in the batting order came up, and I could be pulled having played my league-mandated two innings.

all of us who thought we’d had our most devastating playoff loss ever in 2019 because I can guarantee you that Drew Brees’ floating head on a robot will be here in 2050 to make the go-ahead TD pass only to be undone when Bill Vinovich’s 23andMe clone inadvertently slaps the ball out of the receiver’s hand while…

Most Deadspin readers and employees have the skill to get under center, receive a snap, and just run up the butt of that guy for a few inches of gain. I think the NBA one might actually end up being the easiest because as the Twitter question is phrased, you could just score into your own bucket. 

GENIUS

The NFL one is never, ever, ever happening. The Higgs boson is more likely to shoot out of your dick before you could run 10 yards beyond the line of scrimmage in one try against an NFL defense. HOWEVER - the posed question didn’t necessarily say it was a full 10 yards. WHAT IF it’s a 2nd & inches and all you have to…

Legitimate thoughts and prayers for that man. I hope his friends and remaining family stay close to him and give him the support he’ll need for years. I don’t think I’d be able to go on, so I hope Blake Bivens is stronger than me.

+1 moogly

Jack:

So true. Drew probably included every single Chargers email he got, and there’s only nine here.

Fuck Barstool, bro.

I feel like a crazy person regarding this particular facet to his 2016 run. TrumpTV was always the plan. He thought he was gonna lose. The morning of Election Day, he was ready to lose. He had no acceptance speech ready. He looked like the saddest dude on the planet when he had to step up and claim victory that night. …

Well fucking said