No, the lucky ones are blind.

Nobody cares about your fantasy team.

So does this count as a “milestone”?

[cries scratches uncontrollably]

I love these.

I heard on the radio this morning that his family owns a bunch of Dairy Queen franchises.

It was actually Chip’s evil twin Dale who signed Tebow.

Can Tebow win on Chopped? Can he rock that polo shirt?

Great story. Thanks.

This is why overtime hockey is the best! Tavares: It only takes a minute!

That’s why I call my child by a fake name at the playground, to throw the kidnappers off.

Dan Bylsma...

That boat tour is great.

Came for this joke, left feeling satisfied.

Why are you surprised? That’s why unions exist.

Where’s the picture taken from?

The prosecution put her on the stand.

It would help if you actually indicated who won the semifinals (i.e., who wins between MLB and NFL).

Thank for letting us all know that you’re smarter than the jury that actually listened to all of the evidence.

Why aren't I invited to these kinds of parties as an adult?