10 years from now: Dummy gets cancer from drinking juice from not food grade plastic moron device. 

Oh that one, cause I was going with...

First of all what kind of neanderthal chews on the metal part of a pencil?  

Imperial units are so weird; how many kilofootballpitches (kfp) is that?

We plan to execute our Kill Switch (KS) for him

sea sickness is motion sickness so I would imagine yes? Most people will not typically get sea sick if you can see the horizon and actually keep eyes on it, but if things are REALLY choppy even that can be hard to do.

...What? Illinois is definitely NOT in the northeast, we’re solidly in the MidWest thankyouverymuch.

Here are a few familiar classics that won’t totally distract you:

Hold up. Since when is titty sucking bad?

This will come in handy when those uppity belters try to revolt against Earth and Mars, and start dropping rocks on us.

Maybe hitting them in the face repeatedly with a bat wrapped in Incredibles posters will help.

It’s like you’ve never experienced the joy of pouring your own soft-serve.

Not to be glib, but I’m surprised the number one preventative treatment isn’t “Avoid radioactive materials.”

He should have also prepped his phone in the selfie stick before take off too.

Lazy Millennial Hurricanes!

I know this is not really relative to why you posted that picture, but why in the world would you need a mount for your phone on top of a freaking SLR?????????

After taking a bus from Chicago to NY a few years ago my personal rule is to never take a bus trip over 4 hours. Either fly or drive yourself, you might spend more money but it’s worth it for your comfort and will in most cases be faster.

What Happened to All the Zeppelins?

The original 'blue' version looks far more sinister to me.