The Yanks miss the good old days when they could just pump A Rod full of manatee semen or whatever then send him out to win it. Now they gotta deal with this guy making weird noises at the plate.

My favorite part is when they show his earlier double. He over-slides 2nd base and the announcers said that he “goes into Ryan for no reason” when it a) was a typical over-slide, and b) he didn’t touch Ryan.

The Yankees have only employed professionals like Darryl Strawberry, Chad Curtis, Chuck Knoblauch, Ruben Rivera and Steve Howe so they definitely know what they’re talking about.

The weird thing is, if the Yankees had shown just a little professionalism themselves, they probably wouldn’t have lost 15-1.

Funny how admonitions to “play the game the right way” always come from the team getting its collective tail kicked in.

Jesus Christ, this is a train wreck of a story.

I thought everyone on the bench playing or “coaching” baseball was required to wear a uniform with a pre-determined number. Everyone else should have a medical degree or fake mustache.

plus were still both grey

And I just realized how depressing my life is that this is the only reaction I can get to a deadspin comment.

Deez nuts?

He just needs something to soothe him and calm him down. Maybe there’s some sort of soft, fuzzy thing he could drape on his neck. I don’t know what you’d call it, though.

Look in the comments here, Sparky. It’s been thoroughly debunked as completely-made-up bullshit.

That's not a good defense.

Here’s the thing: he doesn’t understand these things are wrong when he does them. As a conservative, he probably believes Islam really is akin to the Nazis. His problem isn’t mental illness - he’s just a moron with a big mouth. And since he was asked for so many interviews as an athlete, he’s under the impression we…

When it suited their agenda, which I guess is just like every other Christian.

You know what’s far more likely than mental illness/substance abuse? He just a really fucking stupid person who thinks all the shitty memes he posts are profound. I know five people just exactly like him.

The First Amendment protects you from the government interfering with your freedom of speech. It does not protect you from your employer restricting your speech.

Shutting the fuck up would help.

into a person*

Fair punishment. That tweet was one of the worst in the entire 5,000 year history of the universe.