Wait, getting angel jizz on your face is a good thing?

The world is not exactly overrun with justice but when it happens its like a thousand angels jizzing on your face.

“Nice to see you, Jared, I’ll take the foot long!”

wonder how many times people said that to Will.i.am?

It’s really only a mid-afternoon job, when they are walking home from school.

In a word: No.

Dude, designing cars is not your thing.

He just needs to give 110% and concentrate on the fundamentals.

He continued, “Take me, you know. I can literally pound on my skull for hours on end with a framing hammer and nothing. No change. I talk the same. Sometimes Melania will find me sitting in the bath tub without any water banging away on my own head with a fireplace poker and Im going to town with that thing and I dont…

I like and even respect you and even I have to admit this is some grating smugsplaining

jesus h christ. shut the fuck up already

Came for this.

“Consider this: There were people before you and there will be many after.”

The number of footprints could be deceiving of how many people were actually there if they were walking in single file to hide their numbers.

Bracing myself for the internet outrage but perhaps the pilot got word from an uncomfortable flight attendant after checking in an Amanda Stevens and being presented with an almost 6 foot tall dark skinned person with five’o’clock shadow, hairy arms, an upsidedown American flag shirt with an anarchy logo on the arms…

He has a lovely view from his model home.

Husky and Starch

US Army Logic: teach a soldier Korean, then send him to Iraq.

Reporter: Tom, let’s talk about Donald.

My high school was pretty much a big popularity contest. The yearbook had a “best car” category, and do you think it was the kid with the fully restored 67 Camaro that him and his dad spent the 4-5 years prior rebuilding? No, it was the popular kid with the bone stock Mk3 Jetta that his parents bought him when he…