You know you done fucked up when your own mother is happy you weren't home for Thanksgiving.

In the spirit of Doge:

LA absolutely needs more dog parks. I read that article as basically the confusion of a non-dog owner about dog ownership. I can be very confused about things I do not participate in as well. The Superbowl. Heroin. Cat ownership. All very confusing.

SLOOTJES LOPIK. That's what it says on the crane, and that's what you get for using a crane from IKEA.

Guys, I got an offer on an apartment next to a bus stop, a quarter-mile from my school, fully furnished, utilites included, for only $450 per month. I save $6000 per year on university housing!

Adultosaur was there. She must have been taking the pix.

My mortifying holiday party experience ended up changing my life completely. It was my first job out of college, it was in my field of choice and I hated it. I was there about 5 months when the holiday party came around. I also happened to be in a horrible marriage, we were young and totally stupid. By the time my…

The holiday parties at my former company were epic. An open bar, a free hotel room and 150 stressed out workers made for a drunken festival.

My birthday is exactly a week before Christmas, and as such, is almost always the day that my office chooses to have their holiday party. This has happened several times over the years with various jobs, and it is generally uncomfortable and has occasionally gotten weird.

The most memorable, however, was several…

My god, JUST PUT ALL OF YOUR NOTES TOGETHER AND RELEASE A GODDAMN ENCYCLOPEDIA ALREADY.* THAT IS LITERALLY ALL I WANT. TOLKIEN DID IT AND SO CAN YOU.

I think that's a full on crown. That's how I do.

I bet the rats are fun, too.

There is an obvious, elegant solution to this crisis.

Maybe the patriarchy started as a way of trying to curb the stupidity.

This is very tangentially related, but I once knew a (male) acquaintance who got into a fistfight with another random dude on the street over...what the best part of poutine is.

The correct answer is always turning the channel as fast as fucking possible.

DID YOU GUYS PLAN THIS.

I really wasn't planning to do another Terrible Customer Stories entry any time soon,

Bravo! People see me drinking my smoothies and juices and are all like, "are you on a cleaaaaaaaanse????" And im always like, "no, sucker, im drinking vegetables bc I hate chewing them. I like a liquid delivery system and I chew nothing but Nutella crepes."