So you’re just regular obese? Progress! You should be very proud. Seriously, losing weight is hard, I’ve heard. Kudos.

Also, the fact that you have to point to your BMI as “fine” means “yes, I am fat.” I think I found the nerve!

Like IBS, right? That can’t be fun.

Are you fat? That would explain a lot of the anger and projection. Sorry about that. It must be rough.

Now you’re claiming to be a girl to - what? Hope I leave you alone? Sad. Even more pathetic. But keep going, this is just getting good now. Plot twists!

So you’re not trying to do this well? That’s a thing you can claim I guess. Are you just trying to make me feel bad for you? Mission accomplished.

No, I’m sure you’re not confident about anything. Talking to a girl. Dressing yourself. How to wear your hair. You reek of sad, dude. Honestly. All insults aside. You seem like a really pathetic guy.

Your retorts now are just pretending I typed something different than I did. You keep getting dumber and sadder and dumber and sadder. Please, treat me to another almost quip!

“Meth head?” I think I know why your novel won’t sell.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re lame.

Try that first sentence again. You’ll get there. I promise I’ll act insulted.

It does. It really really does. (It’s you!)

Oh my gosh you said I’m 12! Burn, dude! Assuming you’re 12. Otherwise, pretty pathetic, little fella.

Horror is another genre, champ. You’re trying to make weird points and not even accomplishing that. Strange. Sad. Funny!

Just realized I’m talking with someone with poop in his pants. Makes me look bad too.

I’d say you gargle balls. I’d be right.

It’s okay. You’re eleven. Everyone hates you now, but someday, it’ll get better. Maybe. Probably not. You’re actually kinda fucked in life.

Typing words is a tantrum? Oh, honey, is this too much for you?

Stephen King isn’t typically classified as a fantasy author. Also you’re not very smart and that’s your greatest fear.

Mouth breather? That’s what you’ve got. Oh boy, that’s not very good.