HE'S A HUNTER NOT A VAMPIRE, OMG YOU GUYS! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!

Yeah I think he was like 'oh fuck. I have to pronounce their names right. SWITCH TO FIRST NAMES!' I do the same thing with Mads Mumblesmumble (YOU KNOW THE GUY? HANNIBAL?) and other actors who I like but cannot pronounce their last names. I figure if I get the first name right that's pretty good (alright, alright,…

This is my favourite tweet of the night:

YES! Massey Hall sucks. Also because you may have a giant PILLAR in front of your face.

I remember going to East Side Marios and staring at the menu for 15 minutes because I couldn't find anything to eat that came in a small portion. I think I ended up eating 1/4 of an entree and giving my soup and salad refills to my mom. NUTS, I tell you.

I want Ice-T to say 'it's a panty hack'.

BLOODY MARY STRIKES AGAIN.

Yes, cross-legged is not comfortable and the numbness is no fun. I remember being in school and having to sit on the floor for assemblies and then have to herd up 3 flights of stairs. My feet were always asleep so I thought I'd break an ankle one day.

The worst part? I used to make fun of my mother's chicken legs when I was a (horrible) teenager. I HAVE HER CHICKEN LEGS.

Ahhh! That article uses far too much medical terminology but yes, that's possible. I get the skin cracks and bloody skin cracks too but that isn't as bad this year. I'm going to see my doctor when she gets back from vacation and discuss things with her. She'll probably say 'stay warm!' or something helpful like that.

Horray!

Right? She's going to be so popular in 2014!

Yay! I'll bring my imaginary dachshund, Emmet Wilberforce Bootbottle-Fipps. Not as good for warmth as a pug, but he's dashing in his sweatervest and ascot.

Sit with me, friend. Let's be fat and cold together.

I'm so sorry!

I do do that! I find that tucking my hands under my breasts warms them up but I'm not flexible enough to tuck my feet up there. I sleep in the fetal position, mostly for chronic back pain-related reasons, and I try to get as tucked up as I can while attempting to straighten my spine and not hunch my shoulders. But…

As a fat person who is freezing cold in the extremities, NOT FUCKING HELPFUL. I'm also built like a chicken: large through the middle and disproportionately small hands and feet. My dad bought me a watch strap and I was like "that's way too big" and he was all "seriously?" and I was all "go back and get the smallest…

Summer won't come until June. I have to get through the travesty that is Jan/Feb/March aka the worst winter weather offenders.

Oh, I've been neglecting my vitamins. And I have low blood pressure. Maybe that causes cold toes too?