“I like refried beans. That’s why I wanna try fried beans. Maybe they’re just as good, and we’re just wasting time.” - Mitch Hedberg

phone’s got a running app, that’s sports

It’s like they’re playing without the pressure of being the Yankees on their backs.

Good seats still available.

In a related story the Yankees announced they will be adding a $50 “We’re not dead yet” surcharge to tickets for remaining home games this season.

NO PD report: “Rob Ryan was approached by two individuals as he was attempting to pierce a duck-taped beer can stack with a screwdriver. The perpetrators made off with the stack, the screwdriver and Ryan’s wallet which contained $23.00, a Dave & Buster’s membership card and several photograph’s of brother Rex’s then…

Authorities recovered a list made by the caller entitled Ways To Make Money:

Some people are fans of the Arizona Cardinals.

[scribble notes furiously]

Can’t believe they threw it 3 times in a row after taking it to the 2 yard line on the opening drive!

Love the formations:

Veer
Left
Right
Pro-Form
T

If you asked a 15 year old right now to play this game, they would be like, “they aren’t in shotgun or pistol?”

Still a better love story than Twilight.

If I tried that move, I’d sprain my wrist and fall down. Then I’d get called for travelling.

18 sec accelerated clock and 15 min sliders. I’m the weirdo that sits at football games and watches the O-line through binoculars.

Haha I’m the exact opposite of you. I play Madden on full 15 minute quarters.

Bosa is the name of those off-brand speakers I get at the big electronics grey market in Nuevo Laredo

“I was at a casino, standing by the door, and the security guy came over and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move. You’re blocking the fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.” - Mitch Hedberg

Yeah, they keep talking about sports.

MARK DAVIS LOOKS LIKE HIS HAIR ATE BOOTY WITH ITS EYES OPEN