*Taunus

Just need a Benson & Hedges to really get that train going!

It could be worse - you could have quoted some shit from Jezebel!

A round of product testing will take place in Indonesia

I bet Nancy Reagan’s anti-drug campaign would have been much more effective if the catchphrase had been Just Say No Thanks!

Pair one of these oily coffees with big helping of escolar, and I bet you’d wish you’d eaten an entire bag of olestra chips instead!

No fucking thanks.

Not all! One of my ‘73 Squarebacks slowly & gracelessly rusted away until the late 90s, yet it sold in less than a week after putting an ad in the Little Nickel (a western Washington classified ads paper, even then already a relic).

Use it or lose it. Good luck with a parking brake that you haven’t used in years.

Same here.

That’s absolutely disgusting, and I wish I could say I’m surprised.

Or Jimmy Nardellos! They’re mild, but good. Let ‘em go & they’ll get pretty big. 

Catholics just loooove themselves some transubstantiation!

I got a chuckle out of that pairing, too

You mean to tell me “cut it large, and kick it into place” doesn’t always work?!

You should demand a refund of your entire goddamn subscription cost, motherfucker. 

I’ve often used (123) 456-7890 when places offer a discount for joining a loyalty program. A couple cashiers have expressed amazement that I’ve such an unlikely number, but I’ve never had any commentary on the name accompanying it - Occam S. Razor.

Erin, I think you need better bait - only a couple of morons have taken it so far.

(Your area code) 867-5309 works in a hell of a lot of stores too, Jenny. 

Theralyst?