You would too, David.

Visual artists rarely get their due. Photographs and illustrations on the internet are treated as in service to the writing (when they’re not being repurposed or stolen outright). An effective piece of art, however, can articulate a story just as well as words can. Which is why at The Takeout, our art department is…

That title alone deserves a high five.

I used to think I didn’t like asparagus, but it turned out to be—as these aversions often are—a textural problem. Their stalks would remain fibrous and tough even as half the stalk and the tips turned to mush. My mind was changed a few years ago when some restaurant dish I ordered came with a salad of pleasantly al…

During the Edo Period (1603-1868), sushi was between two to four times larger than it is today.

Ghee and clarified butter are a secret ingredient. They’re butter, but better. They’re richer, stronger, more condensed versions of butter. They’re like butter squared.

I believe legend has it Bob Uecker was born on the side of the road during his parents oleo run to Illinois.

I know Canada is a mostly forgotten footnote in world history, but I feel like this article should at least mention Canada’s weird history with margarine. Before Newfoundland was officially part of the country, margarine was an illegal substance in Canada. But Newfoundland is a big frozen rock unfriendly to dairy…

And after the war. My mother was born on Pearl Harbor day and she and her siblings had a ritual of tossing the margarine bag around until the dye was blended in.

The worst thing about margarine is its name.

The spelling is absurd; there is no justification for a soft G before an A. The letter G can be pronounced with its soft sound only before the vowels E, I, or Y. So the word should be either “margiarine” or “margerine”.

This is the English word that I hate most.

Wisconsin takes their butter extremely seriously. It was only last year that you could sell Kerrygold butter in the state again, given the hoops one has to jump through. WI has a law (dated 1953) requiring all butters to be rated on various measures — including flavor, body and color — by the federal government or…

Margarine was also a big deal in Jewish culture, such that it’s still widely used by non-SK Jews and considered to have a nostalgic quality that coconut or even real butter can’t equal.

Should’ve made beignets instead.

The Pang name has been dishonored. Last week, upon reading about this curious state fair food item “deep fried butter,” I made the fateful decision to replicate the dish within the sanctity of my family home. The decision did not come easy. The notion of deep frying butter felt deeply shameful. I was above this…

Standing in the checkout line, I realized I had forgotten to get butter. I dispatched Mrs Lizardo to get it while I emptied the cart. She came back with margarine. How long should I hold it against her? Note: it has already been more than 20 years.

Yeah, I think McCowan might be in the pockets of Big Spoiled Meat.

I mean, you’re still gonna die. Happy Tuesday!