He’s at the McCain funeral. 

“Bodies had to be placed in tight crouching positions to make them fit inside.”

“Lol wow... you just proved you’re a one sided clown.”

Imagine writing a description of a Mitch Hedberg show. “He concluded with some brief non sequiturs about absurd and frankly unlikely situations. I guess you had to be there?”

“ I wish the bakery all the success apologize for my actions and hope we can all move on from this.”

Same with college football when players leaving a year or two early for the pros is a shocking example of a lack of loyalty, but hey what are ya gonna do?? when a coach leaves his contract (and every player he recruited) to take another job. 

Baseball is (a) slow as hell, and (b) 162 games over the season. So players have a lot of time to sit around doing nothing but thinking about something relatively innocuous that some other player did, and then stewing for weeks on end about that thing. 

“and none of them were arrested, though police were called”

“...indeed, as they face a Golden State team stacked with bankable stars, the Cavs seem dog tired. Speaking of dogs...”

Hope she’s down with being stoned by the village elders if her husband can’t find proof that she was a virgin before they consummated their marriage.

He also instituted the racist-by-design “stop and frisk” policy, and floated the “hey, just talking out loud here” idea of mayyyyyybe not having an election and letting him just continue to be mayor because terrorism.

So all they have to do is stand? The policy doesn’t prohibit them from doing something else while standing? D’oh!

“what the hell these guys are doing and why the hell they are doing it.”

Being drunk, and because they are drunk.  

She used to hang with a better crew.

He’s on the Twitter machine!!

Haricot verts. French green beans.

I’m glad you’re alive. And it’s courageous for you to write this, and even better if it helps someone else wrestling with what you managed to conquer.

That...is horrifying. Seems like something you would do if you hated your spouse and were planning to leave them. “I’m moving out! Oh, and by the way, you know those crabs I’d bring home that you loved so much?? Funny story...”

Dunno how true this is, but I’ve read that the overwhelming number of people who survive a jump from the Golden Gate Bridge (admittedly a small number) report that the thought that goes through their mind as they are falling is that their problems weren’t all that serious to warrant suicide.

Settle down, Francis.