I really thought this article was going to be about someone upset about the name hash browns.

Oh man, I really wish there had been a comma after chicken. I didn’t ever want to have to come to this realization.

You have your kneecap in,

I’m calling bullshit. That squirrel looks stuffed and this is the only tweet from this account that was started this month. 

please explain that I just got Criminal Justice Reform passed, Black unemployment is at the lowest level in our Country’s history, and the poverty index is also best number EVER

By now, hecklers Votto should know better than to mess with Reds first baseman Joey Votto.

Considering that my first thought after reading the headline was, “who the fuck is Devon Sawa?” No, you are not alone. I’ve even seen two of the Final Destination movies and still had no idea.

So, The Office relationship was accurate?

Won’t Trump think of the child of John McCain, Meghan McCain, whose father is John McCain, who was raised by John McCain, her father, and who grew up in her father’s, John McCain’s, home but could never be lifted above her father’s head, the head of John McCain, due to torture wounds John McCain, Meghan McCain’s…

This is so fucked. Both of those kids saw what happened to the stuffed animal and immediately thought it would happen to them if they refused to eat. Also, if you love something you don’t threaten to hurt it. These are the kind of people who tell their kids that they were mistakes and are just a burden on them.…

Is there some kind of quota the Takeout needs to fill for Chick-fil-a articles? It feels like we get an update once a week.

Wow this is horrible but it could have been so much worse, seriously, all of her clothes almost came out pink.

I hate you for this visual.

We all enjoy the gooch, but not when you’re getting kicked straight in it.

So in this case, we’re the reindeer not giving a shit about two racysts* contorting themselves in front of us?

I’ve heard of beating a dead horse but this seems like overkill. 

Exactly, there’s only one group of people who benefit from this line of thinking and they are the ones who push it the hardest. The rest of us see the extremely rare false accusations for what they are but don’t let those false accusations diminish the pain of the real victims.

Look I’d love to go around and around on this and I think both sides do have some valid points but there’s only one truth here: people who call into sports radio shows are idiots.

But which team got hit by the bus and who is butt? I don’t understand this list.