I Just Found the Most Racist Photo (and Caption) on iStock. Here's My 10 Favorite Things About It

Yesterday afternoon, while searching “black man calls police” and “calling police black person” on iStock—to find a suitable picture for “My Self-Care Sunday Story: I Called The Cops On A White Guy”—I found the above pic. There are tens of thousands of images on iStock, and I won’t pretend to have seen them all. But I…

The Best Part of Halloween? Stealing Candy From Your Kids and Using It to Extort Them

I have never been a big Halloween person. As a kid, I went trick-or-treating because that what everyone else and also because that’s where all the candy was. And while I’ve attended—and even thrown—Halloween parties as an adult, I always partied with a purpose. (When single, my purpose was “this is where all the women…

Now’s The Time to Tell the Truth About Pittsburgh, and This Hagiographical Bullshit Ain’t It

Although Squirrel Hill, the Pittsburgh community where the white nationalist terrorist attack on the Tree of Life synagogue occurred, has been described in the media over the past few days as a Jewish enclave, it is not just that. It is also Pittsburgh’s largest and most ethnically diverse neighborhood. Combined, over…

Megyn Kelly Is (Probably) Losing Her Job Because She Sucks At It, Not Because She's Racist

Sentient vat of recycled Great Value Wite-Out Megyn Kelly appears to be losing her job very soon. Perhaps it will happen while I am typing this sentence. (Did it?) The straw that broke this racist camel’s back, of course, was her awkward and illogical and just dumb-as-the-fuck defense of blackface Halloween costumes

Is There a Support Group for People Who Hurt Themselves Trying to Do the Shoot Dance? (Asking for a Friend)

There’s this guy I know. His name is Famen Hung. We hoop together a few times a week. And despite being 39—and despite the fact that, the last time he went to LA Fitness, one of the young dudes on the court greeted him with “What’s good, O.G.?” (AND IT WAS MEANT TO BE A COMPLIMENT!)—he’s in quite decent shape. Not…

Titanic II, A Replica of The Original Titanic, Is Set To Sail in 2022 And Will Be The Whitest Thing That Ever Happened

To my knowledge, I have never wanted to be white. I have, on occasion, pretended to be white, which is what happened sometimes when I worked at a telemarketing firm for almost 11 hours in 1998, hawking subscriptions to Redbook and Better Homes & Gardens. It has also happened when I’ve needed to call customer service…

I’mma Let Y’all Finish But SNL’s Chris Redd Just Did the Best Kanye West Impression of All Time

I have either run out of things to think and say about the things Kanye West is (presumably) thinking and (definitely) saying or I have exhausted the will to make that effort. I’m not sure which. Either way, the result is the same. MAGA Kanye possesses the intersecting veneers of “fascinating” and “disturbing,” but…