I'm hearing 'Simpsons nerd'.

Trump is old-school businessman when it comes to hiring, and these things take longer when you're professionally obliged to demand sex from every single candidate.

Rubio: Mister Comey, did the president ever give you a super-mean nickname that you totally didn't deserve?

This, and a hefty dose of smugness (if male), or klutziness (if female).

You mean we should have been reading all of Trump's tweets in the voice of Scarlett Johansson from Her?

I'm glad the AV Club is picking up the slack, because it seems Trump himself isn't live-tweeting the testimony as promised. Someone must have distracted him with a shiny set of car keys.

"What the president whispered in my ear was, 'I'm really looking forward to working with you'."

If the Gallaghers ever stop being massive wankers to each other, the terrorists have won.

This is it, Curmudgahideen - this is the moment to pitch your political dramedy about the career of Anthony Weiner.

Nah, the American Humane Society doesn't give a shit about Croatian stuntmen.

If Saving Private Ryan had 13 burning stuntpeople, and Game of Thrones has 20, I guess Daenerys's invasion of Westeros is… [fiddles with calculator] …roughly 30% cooler than D-Day.

The Singularity?

Is that you, The Corinthian?

BREAKING: Both parties to the case have now been hit with a class action lawsuit mounted by everyone who ended up having to actually eat one of those sugary fucking monstrosities.

Which is such bullshit, because everyone knows he's a total Samantha.

The 10-episode series premieres August 2 on Pop (a CBS-Lionsgate joint venture which can be found streaming on the digital displays of idle gas station pumps after 1am, in the bathrooms of selected Applebees, and in the hearts of the nation's children.)

It was the '70s, man, a time of unprotected, consequence-free meeting.

[Camera pans past ice floe to reveal sign which says: 'Black Lagoon Next Exit'. Musical sting.]

Welcome to the Dork Universe, because you're a dork, dork!

The idea of letting audiences judge whether they like a movie or not before planning dozens of sequels is 'archaic'? Well, time to push myself off on an ice floe I guess.