How Do You Know When the President Is Lying? Sarah ‘Suckabee’ Sanders’ Mouth Is Moving

White House press secretary Sarah “Suckabee” Sanders, a.k.a. Satan’s favorite kitten heel, said Thursday that President Trump didn’t plan his abrupt departure from a meeting with congressional leaders and he just happened to have a cardboard cutout with figures pasted to a podium for his impromptu speech in the Rose…

Congress Has Trump’s Financial Records From Wells Fargo and TD Bank, and More Could be Coming

President Donald Trump has been trying to keep America out of his financials. But like a good wife who knows that something isn’t right, America has not relented and now two major financial institutions have turned over subpoenaed bank documents to a congressional committee, and a court ruling Wednesday could have…

Housing Secretary Ben Carson Was Asked About ‘REOs’. He Noted That He Doesn’t Really Mess With Oreos Like That

Me and my friends have this game where we argue about which famous people should’ve died but who lived long enough just to fuck up their legacy. It’s a brutal game in which we basically argue that big-boned Luther Vandross should’ve died right around the time that a chair was still a chair—not because he ruined his…

The Mad King’s Minions Tell Former White House Lawyer Don McGahn Not to Testify Before House Committee

The White House has reportedly directed former White House counsel Don McGahn not to testify before the House Judiciary Committee on Tuesday, arguing that as a former senior adviser to the president he is not legally required to appear before the committee to testify about his official duties as counsel to the…

Chicago Win: Lori Lightfoot to be Sworn in as Mayor; Rahm Emanuel Jumps in Cop's Pocket and Disappears

Lori Lightfoot is set to become the first openly gay, African-American woman to serve as Chicago’s 56th mayor when she is sworn in on Monday, and Wintrust Arena will be filled to capacity—with all 8,000 seats accounted for—as Chicagoans are excited for Lightfoot’s term to begin. For Chicagoans, Lightfoot represents…

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