I don't know if this counts, because the excuse was also completely true, but:

My brother: "I can't afford to fly out to see Dad this summer, because we really need to buy new patio furniture."

A guy I dated did that to cancel our date. I thought he was lying, then I saw him a few days later 😱. Half of his right side was just blisters and some peeling. He said he had an allergic reaction to the medication they gave him.

When I was in eleventh grade, my depression was getting out of control. I was actually about two months away from a suicide attempt, but obviously didn't know that yet. I was taking chemistry with an evil teacher who clearly hated students and was just waiting for full pension. He was a bully to his students and I…

anyway, I like to cultivate a sense of mystery about myself so that nobody expects me to go to events, and if I show up it's a pleasant surprise. It's worked very well for me.

One time a boy I liked in high school told me he couldn't hang out with me because he had just gotten his hair cut. I texted him about hanging out in the early afternoon, inviting him to hang out with me and my friends that night (I think I texted him at 2 PMish to ask if he wanted to chill at 7 PMish). He told me he…

I tried to call in "ugly"once. I told my boss I had a cold sore that went wild and my face look very, well, damaged and, as the front desk person, I thought I should stay home. He had me come in any way, took one at look at me, and conceded that, yes, maybe I could have the day off.

Hot take! The Gos can still get it, but he doesn't do it for me as much as he used to. Dunno what changed. I think I need a new Gos. Any suggestions?

Yes it would be Chelsea... you are a national treasure

Far from it. Shit, if we looked at all 196 countries, I'd bet money that America has a more just legal system than the majority of them (though maybe not by a large margin).

"I'm a married man, I don't do that kind of stuff".

So then all you're saying is that the judicial system isn't perfect, which an incredibly inane and pointless observation. You also seem to have a tenuous grasp of why juries are given instructions. It's because if left to their own devices they will base their decisions on stupid shit (http://www.theweek.co.uk/uk-news/…

I am sure the guy is guilty as sin, but it sounds like the jury made the (annoyingly) correct decision. If that laptop was inadmissible, there was no knife found, and the guy stayed on the scene, it's easy to create a sense of reasonable doubt.

The jury was also not told that

My mother was genuinely baffled and hurt when I called her a racist shortly after she called a bus full of people "niggers." She thinks that her missionary trips to Africa and Jamaica insulate her from accusations of racism, but all they say to me is that she likes black people just fine as long as they stay in their…

Not just blatantly racist, but like, the most extreme possible expression of racism—threatening lynching.

There are no excuses for my behavior. I never thought of myself as a racist. I never considered it a possibility, but the bottom line is that the words that were said in that chant were mean, hurtful, and racist

Is that why the media keeps shoving this woman and her products down our throats to like and buy?

So the foot soldiers of the 'war on drugs' are almost as corrupt as the lawmakers who started the initiative.