Dave Matthews once dumped his tour bus' sewage on the city of Chicago.
And, I don't even think he was mad at Chicago at the time.
Dave Matthews is a monster.

KINGPIN was funny start-to-finish.

Mouth-harp.
It's a Blues Brothers thing, I guess.

*angrily tweets Cornery's address to see how much he likes his name being misspelled*

Jebus Chrissy!

See? I told you not to laugh your asses off. Bet you would've liked to show that moron your ass right about then, but you couldn't.

I just hope Obama gets to watch some hookers pee in some beds before it's over.

Trump is surrounding himself with bonkers military men just so he can start a war with North Korea.

Beezelbub has a perineal wipe set aside for thee. For theeeeeee.
*guitar break*

It's nice of you to lend that destitute Nigerian prince your phone, man.
You're good people.

Mama mia, mama mia.

We're calling those "feculent rectal cankers" now.

Losing his wife right after the birth of their son, which he acknowledged by texting her congratulations while he yammered on and on about auto-fellatio.

Um, her "target" audience is other white, 24 year-olds.

Yeah, but I'm saying he hasn't come back.

[Redacted. I was waylaid by a BOAT TRIPS joke.]

I AM the Senate!

They're fucking chicken nuggets!

♪ Faithfully ♪

Ew. You're gonna HATE Infinity War.