Would love to see one of these on Dinosaur Train. My two year old was all in on this for a short time. How could he not? Dinosaurs and trains is kids’ very own hookers and blow. But then he got tired of the show. Probably because I was being a bad dad and showing him clips of the Jurassic Park movies. “You think those…

My wife and I speculated as to what drugs they were thinking about buying to motivate themselves as they performed. Skinny guy: heroin. Fat guy: gallon-size cough syrup.

The circle is complete

My kids were watching the Peter Pan one a couple of months ago and, when it finally ended and I got up to turn it off, my four year-old FREAKED out. It was, apparently, a two-part episode. Fuck this show.

The one with Peter Pan in it. Again, why not just make HIM the star of the show? I can picture Disney execs holding a focus group with a bunch of three-years-olds in soiled diapers and coming away with a formal briefing that recommends a Peter Pan show without the Peter Pan in it.

Best to set up your kid with their program on the computer at the coffee table and then turn on your sports or something fun like nature shows or american ninja warrior and then act like what you’re doing is the best thing ever. Slowly they begin to want to watch what you’re watching and crap kids TV is forgotten.

It also looks better than pretty much any show on CBS.

They are also RUTHLESS when a competitor screws up. In most other sports you get a passive-aggressive or meekly uttered “Well that wasn’t a very good play Johnny if I say so myself”, but in gymnastics or figure skating the announcers just latch on and destroy the athlete for screwing up.

The worst is when MMA fanboys try to talk it up as being safer than boxing or football. BRO THEY STOP THE FIGHT AS SOON AS ONE GUY IS MOTIONLESS FROM SUFFICIENT KICKS TO THE TEMPLE

I also love when they rag on someone for fucking up, but in their trademark very passive aggressive way. “Cindy is going to hate herself tonight for training 16 straight years only to blow the pommel horse in the medal round. That failure sticks with you forever.”

Flour is absolutely authentic for a burrito. Corn would never stand up to a burrito, structurally. Besides, the burrito was invented by the Pueblo people in New Mexico, so Mexican food doesn’t have anything to do with it.

That list of car songs is the most old white people thing imaginable. Whenever I hear music blasting out of a car, it’s typically either 1) some type of rap; 2) in Spanish; or 3) some unintelligible mess with a heavy bass line that I’m going to assume is, what, EDM or something? This also makes a lot more sense than…

A metric fuckton of it goes to waste. I’ve worked in grocery for a decade+ and so much of it expires long before it can be used or sold. Even if you sell a lot of product, all it takes is one dumb ass who can’t be bothered to use the pallets of Gatorade in the proper order and bam, there’s a few hundred dollars of…

Or get the bowl and splurge an extra buck for the brown bag of tortilla chips to go with. BURRITO NACHOS!!!!!

Remember, you only want the extra virgin Gatorade. Anything after the first pressing really goes down in quality.

Typical golf course gator highlight truther.

At times, Midwestern white trash is worst than southern white trash. Most of the time, the “Florida Man” in the news was born and raised in the Midwest, before moving to Florida.

Do they expect it? Or do they just not care if it stays there forever? There is a difference.

“We got no money! Our tigers’ eyes are getting cancer!”

How someone even hears the phrase “International Hot School” and doesn’t collapse on the floor laughing is beyond me. Dude can’t even name things right.