@hector villanueva's posse: Nice

Rumor has it that Dan Brouthers' infamous "Fuck Face" bat weighed 45 ounces and was crafted from the leg of a Caribbean pirate.

@lesfurniture: Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big "H". It was a most ripping victory.

@MopUpReliever:

@Step aside, Son: The Filipina Basketball Association is sponsored by Secret, Salems, and also Tide.

A much more attractive game 20:00 in. Also, the equivalence of Hamlet and Vandersloot is great.

I like Slovenia's homage to Charlie Brown.

@y'all: Maradona is reportedly tolerant of sex before games. With Argentine women. That would tire any man after the six-minute mark.

@tcw04: More politically correct than "El Solucion Final"

@Sheed's Bald Spot: It's a long, bullet-riddled bus ride back to Lagos.

The Scottish color commentator applauds the Koreans' performance. Groundskeeper Willie always liked Parks in good form.

@Safire and Tonic: While most of the industrialized world quits at 90:00, Greece quit around 6:00.

@westie1984: Any word on whether the rest of UEFA is going to loan some goals to Greece?

Still my favorite Ladysmith cut:

@Steven Gerrard's Gifted Right Foot: From "timing and touch" to "we're all fucked", Wayne Bridge had to read this three times to make sure you weren't referring to Terry and his ex.

@JimmyDTU: Art Linkletter was offsides?

@drifter1717: It's like I'm looking into a mirror.

Jame Gumb's college hockey broadcast years were waaayy more awkward:

@Kosar_Is_Drunk: Wrong kind of American. Toby Keith wouldn't know what soccer is.

@BootHillBossanova: And LeBron needs to go down a button. Who does he think he is, David Robinson?