Yooo, thank you sis!

YES WHITE PEOPLE STOP! THIS IS NOT THE SAME THING AS TANNING, IT'S NOT THE SAME AS BEING MADE FUN OF FOR BEING PALE, DENCIA IS NOT STUPID, THIS ISSUE EXISTS BECAUSE OF WHITE SUPREMACY AND A HISTORY OF COLONIALISM, THINK HARD BEFORE DERAILING THE CONVERSATION AND RE-CENTERING THE CONVERSATION AROUND WHITENESS. STOP…

Well known troll. Save yourself.

Old is great. I'm getting my first grays and they are my little pets, I cherish them. I'm going for the full Baba Yaga look when I get old, and it's going to rock.

This is faux-outrage correct? You know that this is satire? Tracy is making fun of this attitude, not representing it.

When s/he told me that my statement "getting old makes you look older" was untrue, I knew we wouldn't be dealing with a ton of rationality here.

I never take people with weary skin seriously because it makes me feel weird to be around them? Like they've been around too long and should go to sleep or just die already or something? I just can't be friends with Weary Haggies, no matter how fit or high the ponytail.

Self reporting, causation ≠ correlation, anecdata ≠ data, and etc.

Exactly! If you don't have pomegranate molasses, just use pomegranate concentrate. If you don't have pure virgins, "experimenting" band geeks will do. One only has so much time between yogalates and book club to dedicate to the Dark Arts, after all.

Hey! That's MY line!

I'm only going to try a little more.

Well, since contrarian is your jam...
I drink and smoke and look 10 years younger than my age which 39. It's just my genes. My favorite joke when people ask me my "secret" is to say, "Coffee instead of water and a pack of smokes a day." It's not really funny, but it's true.
I do use sunscreen everyday, but I live in…

HAGS MCGEE. I think I need a new screen name.

...just women though. Okay.

Smoking and drinking enough to affect your appearance can lead to cancer and cirrhosis. Both of those conditions are worse than wrinkles.

So, if I read this correctly, I'm supposed to lift weights but not make faces while doing so? Sounds awesome, but I wonder how my fellow gym-goers will react to my psycho blank-faced stare plus terrifying constipated noises, which is the combination I see as the alternative to making weightlifting faces.

NOOOO.

You know what makes you look old? Getting old. The only alternative is to die young.