*after the last dab* “So, Jordan, what exactly did you do on Conan’s show at TBS?”

Who decided a mouse should look like a hockey puck? I don’t remember these being comfortable at all.

It’s the Madame Web we deserve, but not the Madame Web we need right now.

Unless they manage to get Jordan Schlansky on. (On one hand, I don’t know what that would look like without Conan bouncing off him at high speed. On the other, I can’t think of anything better than Jordan expounding for several minutes on the culinary characteristics of chili peppers and the technical aspects of the…

Maybe she recently hired Beyonce’s assistant D’Leonardo...

That is some very interesting historical context that explains a lot I’ve noticed personally. Do you have some sources for further reading on this?

I don’t know — I think he has a great deal of disdain for Twitter, since he would say they’re not as ‘hardcore’ as his other companies.

“That’s not what I meant by a self-driving polar expedition!”

Donald Trump flip-flops on so many tech issues, his favorite technology is Static RAM.

‘Cybertruck flippers’ Is that the aftermarket accessory to turn it into a boat?

He nearly had a gig on Colbert, but it didn’t go well...

“...I couldn’t help but wonder, in this era of casual kink and personified urban landscapes, would the Empire State Building be a bottom or a top?”

Turns out the real jackals were the people running the show...

Does he think people aren’t liking his tweets because his tweets are too ‘edgy’?

There’s a guy who’s better off not doing a PhD. The jokes alone... “Doctor Docter, it hurts when I do this!”

“You don’t want your car to be woke, right? Give me your car battery and everything will be just fine...”

I mean, I’m not a maritime engineer, but I have used a bathtub, and... it’s Archimedes’ Principle, right? Does he think those massive warships are just really, really light?

You know, it isn’t actually easy to find good gravy. It seems like one of those things that everyone does, but few do well.

George Lopez walks off stage over hecklers

Time: less.