I'm not saying Phyllis is Superman, but has anyone ever seen them in the same place at the same time?

No cell phones, but this dude gets to toke on a roach?

I want to shop at Lex Luther's super villain mall. I hear the Brookstone carries a solar powered kryptonite death ray.

As a fat guy, I would normally agree. However, I watched the Cowboys play the Lions in the playoffs and they showed him yucking it up in Jerry Jones' box with that awful orange sweater. I almost choked to death when my buddy pointed out that he looked like Republican, albino Fat Albert and pronounced (in character…

On a big pile of money fleeced from the rubes who buy her shitty books.

I don't know if Detroit finally breaks the streak or not, but I think that line will beat Rodgers up in two weeks.

Why can't my dog be this supportive of my musical efforts? Mine pissed on my guitar case last week while I was unloading the car and I swear he was smiling.

As a self-proclaimed enemy of world peas, I endorse your message.

(in my best Ernie Harwell voice) AAAAANNNNND THAT BALL IS LLLLOOOOONNNGGG GONE!

The Stage Deli will name a sandwich after a celebrity. This bar should call this drink a Cosby. If you're going to make a tasteless joke, you need step up to the plate, swing hard and try and park that ball in the cheap seats.

I wholeheartedly agree with that list, but would also include Yvonne Craig. Not only was she Batgirl, she also appeared in a Trek episode painted super-sexy head to toe green.

I'd buy that just for mosquito protection!

Nobody puts Babycakes in an armpit!

They carried that prick off the field like he was fucking Rudy. This is like that time Joey Harrington beat the Lions as the Dolphins starter on Thanksgiving and was the game's MVP. Big, stupid Joey smile on his face that said "suck it, lions fan, I escaped and you are still you" while holding Phil Simms' mom's…

Either the Tick Or Freakazoid

A broken clock is right twice a day.

Paper towels & Fantastic or a Mr. Clean magic eraser. If you're too short, invite one of your taller friends over, fix a nice meal or roll them a joint (basically, just do something nice they like) and ask them to do you a platonic friend type favor in the bedroom.

Schnockered!

Proof again that Lions stink just don't wash off.

So much of my Lions shame that didn't get dragged into the light. I had to point out a few more: