Part of the problem lies with Tumblr

What really sucks is the fact that they’re only going to give you $38 for it if you sell it back at the end of the semester.

Wait. Peeling an avocado? What?

Oh, if Lightning bought Mater a robot companion that would be hilarious.

First Presidential Library with slot machines in the lobby.

I bet it gets the cover and the centerfold of a Penthouse.

No library for Trump. Just a claustrophobic, gilded-to-the-gills media room with wall-to-wall screens playing the greatest hits of Fox News & Friends on a loop.

if this “ruins vaginas” for you, i got a lifehack for you: you’re gay, son. deal with it.

Speedrunning that points out the ridiculousness of speedrunning is about the last interesting speedrunning left.

I have a tendency to hold on to my beer at all times, a habit probably developed as a irrational/paranoid youth to avoid people (Sebastian Janikowski, Bill Cosby etc.) dropping something foreign in to it. I have started placing my beer in strategic, not hidden, locations. I receive fewer questions about what number…

Solo drinking also provides justification to upgrade your booze supply. Hmmmmm $15 for a 4 pack of the latest double IPA or Russian imperial stout? No problem! I would’ve paid $10 for an 8oz snifter at the local overpriced D.C. craft brewery. Look at the money I saved us honey!!

I drink after my wife and kids are in bed at least twice a week. Like tonight... I’ve got The Americans taped. My wife doesn’t watch. When she goes to bed, I’m settling in with 2 10% abv Abt 12s that are chilling in my fridge, and watching a show that will hopefully feature Keri Russell’s sublime naked ass.

This x100. In fact, I think the new parents in that letter should go out of their way not to thank them. They need better friends.

I posted this above:

Ditto here. Wife works the night shift at a hospital, so last night, I got out a Yeti tumbler, filled it with lots of ice, and half Sprite, half Deep Eddy grapefruit vodka, and drunkenly played the new Zelda game. Great night.

“allows you to use the restroom without dropping your trousers, untucking your shirt, etc”

“allows you to use the restroom without dropping your trousers, untucking your shirt, etc”

Drinking alone is sooooo good. I can go out and be social at the bars with my single friends, but after a while I just start thinking about the “free” beer in my fridge and how I could be drinking it without having to wear pants or listen to people talk.

I don’t even understand what your “male equivalent” is in this situation. Do you typically have penile discharge? Because you should probably see a doctor and have some tests if so.

If you think Nemo’s CGI water was good, the water rendering in Moana will really impress you.

I can’t wait for the next Pixar movie that is basically made to showcase new sand/sugar physics :D