If you’re buying this, you’re driving it directly off a cliff, so a brake pedal is not needed.

Come on...

Just buy the Ronco Bronco

I’m so confused, are they moving quickly, or fast?

No drive train.

Or, ya know, just buy a suburban and call it good. 

Crack pipe, meth pipe, syringe of fent, can of spray paint and a paper bag, you get the idea.

exclusive interior touches, including high-contrast orange stitching

I may not hit bottom but I will bang the shit outta the sides.

Mercedes isn’t known for treating their second drivers well...

Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!

Just call it Girth Brooks and be done with it.

12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!

This is how i’ve always made it. Whenever someone tries it for the first time it blows their minds. Good fun.

This.
Stroll used to be the rich daddy’s kid who bought his seat. Not anymore. he turned out to be a pretty good driver. An let’s not forget that he was pretty good in F3 too.
One may argue, rightfully, that he had the luxury to hone his skills for a few years while the Gaslys or Albons got the boot much sooner, but,…

Not negative? You said he should "fuck off" and go to Indy. I think if people told you to fuck off and go to write for Motorweek on PBS, you may view it as being negative. 

Why would you imagine that Lawrence Stroll is any kind of an idiot? In fact, I don’t understand all your hostility towards your subject and the readers today.