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LAWYER: You can never go back to Brazil.
Lochte: Man, but I really enjoyed Europe!

I caused a similar ruckus at JFK during the Winter Olympics when I turned the volume up during the biathlon. And then fired my gun in the air.

I don’t get it. Touching hands is a lot less physical contact than getting your ass handed to you.

but his character made him that six-tool guy

Darth Wader

Even the guy that has no idea what he’s doing at the plate is several inches further down the bat.

The good news is that unlike the ATMs, tea, snack bars, etc. the condom dispenser will never be empty.

About a day after masturbating is no longer a fun way to pass the time.

This could sully the surname of “Kane” in the Buffalo area.

How long until he’s a Dallas Cowboy?

I totally understand where the Thunder are coming from on this one. The longer they keep me waiting, the less money I give waiters.

It’s not like he was treated badly by the kidnappers, though. They let him grab his house keys and use the restroom before they made him get the cash.

Why are IOC Directors dressed as Brazilian Police Officers?

Yeah, Steph Curry’s.

“We can’t go to North Carolina. They’re socially backwards and perverted for their stance on what goes on in the bathroom. Let’s go the Penn State.”

I don’t understand everyone praising him for his consistency. I mean, isn’t the point of having a Duncan is so that it can be up-and-down?

Time to take him out backbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackbackback

Southhampton fan here. So far this summer, we’ve lost Mane, Pelle, Wanyama ... just another summer. Ugh.