Dean Spanos might be the thinnest skinned babyman in the NFL, which is no small feat.

This is like the time me and some buddies were driving down to Buffalo to see a Sabres game. We all met up at my buddy Aidan’s house and we were about to get in the car and, with it clearly in sight, I called Shotgun. Clear rules, right?

even the most airtight tests are only as good as the competence and honesty of the people performing the tests.

If my husband was too dumb to find his way out of a locker room, I’d keep it to myself.

“and someone who realizes we will never get out of the East regardless of what happens before Lebron retires.”

Why won’t anyone pay me $15mil just to go away? I’m VERY annoying.

I kneeled, but that’s because I got iced.

Personally, I showed my allegiance by scratching my ass and shot-gunning a PBR pounder. Solidarity!

The Cleveland Plains Dealer has been in a tailspin for like a decade. Does that count?

People love it when black guys break into places and start doing whatever they want, right?

I question the commitment of those 4 hairs to form a comb over.

“Don’t let the contract stand in the way,” Cowher added. “If you play, you will get paid ... Colin, prove me wrong.”

Pretty much every single article I’ve ever read that whines about how “no one votes these days” completely fails to mention that this is the desired outcome of decades of legislation specifically designed to make voting inconvenient and expensive. Nope, it’s just those damn lazy Millennials!!!!

To cover their asses over a potential unwarranted high speed chase; blame the victim, not themselves.

Yeah, please fuck off forever. I’ve lived through catastrophic natural disasters. People need to eat and drink clean water. Christ, go jerk yourself off with Atlas Shrugged again, you wretched piece of shit.

Holy shit, you suck.

so let’s divert emergency resources from rescuing people to arresting people for trying to feed themselves.

Holy crap is this a nuclear take. Does it occur to you, oh paragon of the Free Market, that a supermarket has already written off its entire stock? If the power’s out for as long as it has been the entire damn inventory is no longer able to be sold, it would be thrown out either way. But hey someone somewhere is…

Go directly to hell, you absolute nightmare of a person.

Andrew Jackson. Even the corpse of Andrew Jackson would fuck everyone up, and it wouldn’t need to be reanimated either.