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Blees
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Minnesota fans, in general, are reverse-bandwagoners. Instead of hopping onto a good team halfway through the season, we hop off a bad team halfway through the season. Some of us bandwagon onto a good team, sure, but many of us prefer to wallow in self-pity, like we’re the Browns or something, and look forward to next

Minnesota blows, man. The winters are too harsh, and it still gets to 100+ degrees in the summer. There’s nothing to do because our towns aren’t big enough to attract enough big shows, and we’re so close to Canada that our state motto is “What’re you on aboot, eh?”

I hate my team. I don’t hate them because they are bad (and boy howdy, are they bad), but because the Packers are so good, and many Minnesotans have decided that abandoning the Land of 10,000 Lakes for the Land of Foam Cheese is a fine plan. This anger is compounded by slobbering idiots who genuinely believe that this

Meanwhile, Vikings fans begin forming loud opinions about how your place kicker is a valued member of the team and should never be dismissed because of inaccuracies, until they fall strangely silent and slink off to watch How I Met Your Mother Season 4, Episode 11 on loop.

Meanwhile, every NCAA athlete ever rolls their eyes.

To paraphrase, for any old people that don’t quite get Kickstarter:

This sounds like the worst episode of Will It Blend ever.

Touche, salesman.

Upon further testing, the toy Beetle shown above was found to have been decorated with dangerous lead paint. This comes as a shock and surprise to health inspectors, because when they tested the paint, it was within acceptable safety parameters. An investigation is now underway to determine just how the paint was able

Neither. It’s SohCahToa. Sounds like somebody went to Stanford.

I used to read books on my bed. I really liked books. I was not the kind of 4-year-old that could be arsed to stop doing a thing that he liked doing. For instance, if I had to go to the bathroom, the little hamster-wheel brain that 4-year-olds (and some adults) have crunched the numbers and made the critical analysis

Gestapo Soup? Wow, I did nazi that coming.

“Those faces don’t seem all that weird.”

God is a big football fan. What other reason would there be for Tim Tebow still being in the football news after all this time?

You blow and shouldn’t be called a moba.

I imagine saying “Hey Siri” to your phone just ends up making you look like the theme song to “Hey Arnold.”

Yawn-o-rama. Call me back when a man from Minnesota shoots something exotic, like a lion.


The jig is up, Riddler!

Meh. Until they run a scavenger hunt on the level of Potato Fool’s Day, Valve shall remain the king of sneaking cool shit into their games.

As long as I can play as a character who gave themselves a nice rack because he/she could because robots, then I don’t care.